Run With You
by ezontheI
Summary: She feels like her life has been taken from her. He feels he can show her how to take it back and fall in love along the way. Stefan/Elena. AH AU. M for the potty mouths and perverts.
1. Run

**AN: *sheepish grin* I'm so full of empty promises. I know I said I'd have this story up soon and what not, but life has been an utter pain in the ass. **

**This is going to be a short story (15 chaps max?) with maybe an update per week if this all sorts itself out. **

**This is mostly a happy story with very little angst (we have enough on the show).**

**This chapter is really short. The next will be longer, trust me!**

**Thanks a bunch for sticking with me!**

Chapter One: Run

"I'm sort of digging this whole 'don't give a shit never will' style you've got going on," Bonnie said with a sarcastic grin. I rolled my eyes and pulled the hair away from my forehead before dropping it to the desk with a thud.

I could hear her snickering before she poked my shoulder and sighed. "You aren't much fun anymore, by the way." Finally, I relented, pulling my head up.

"I got like 3 hours of sleep last night."

She faux gasped and squinted her eyes, "What were you doing last night? Or should I say, who?"

I refrained from rolling my eyes again and grimaced at the thought of my grueling hours over countless papers filled with even more countless pencil marks. "This valedectorian thing is kicking my ass."

Bonnie giggled and started copying the notes from the board before stage whispering, "First world problems."

Apparently she wasn't quiet enough because Mr. Salvatore turned around with a scowl trained straight on her. "Ms. Bennett, keep talking in my class and you will earn yourself a detention."

Bonnie grinned at her favorite teacher and twirled a piece of her brown hair, "I don't need to earn anything, spending any extra time with you is a reward in my eyes, Mr. S."

I gave her a dubious look and Mr. Salvatore sent her a cold glare before turning back to the board.

"Is it me, or is the sexual tension _killing _you right now?"

"Bon, he's likes 10 times your senior."

"I'm sure his cock doesn't look like it." The bell rang loudly and all the students slammed their books around before scurrying out the room. I slowly got up, adjusting my head band before walking out the door with Bonnie trailing behind me.

My head was nearly throbbing with my lack of sleep. For some reason, the words 'my fellow students and comrades' was scrolling across my head and I felt like I was going to puke.

"I think I might just take the rest of the day off," I told Bonnie in exasperation. She raised an eyebrow at me before squinting her eyes at me.

"Are you okay, Elena?" I wasn't going to tell her about how my life was falling apart at the seams exept it wasn't. How everything was all the same but completely different at the same time.

It felt like there was someone else driving the car of my life and I'm there in the passenger seat watching life pass me by and not have a clue to whats going on. I felt like I was drowning but I'm not.

Like everything is so perfectly imperfect and scary and wrong. Lately, my smiles don't feel the same and the taste of my mouth isn't right and everything is off. I'm not going to tell her that.

I give her a weak smile, though, because she is my best friend even though she's a perverted freak. "Yeah. I'm okay. I think I'm just gonna go home and veg out on the couch with Jenna and junk. Don't worry about me, okay? I'm good."

"You hear that?" We both turned to see Caroline barrelling toward us with her hands pointed up to the ceiling. "She is good. She is fine. Ella esta bien." I grinned at her and punched her shoulder playfully.

"Okay, I'm out of here. Wish me luck and finishing this damn speech."

Caroline sputtered for a moment, "I don't know how to say that in Spanish yet."

I walked out the school with my bag in tow, taking big steps to my little mini cooper so I could get home. In my peripheral vision I saw a black motorcycle roar into the school parking lot and firing around the paved cement into a spot right next to mine.

I didn't know a lot about Stefan Salvatore except a few things. I'm pretty sure he isn't graduating this year and that could be because he never comes to school. He was in jail for a while and I think he had a drug problem. Factually, he is Mr. Salvatores brother, he drives a motorcycle and is extremely good looking. And is also the last thing I want to have to deal with today.

He moved off the bike right as I approached my car and he didn't move a bit. I could feel his intense gaze on me as I walked over to the drivers side with my head down and pulled on the car door, throwing my bag in first. I sat inside and buckled my seat belt before shutting my door.

Then I sat there.

He stood there.

It was really awkward.

I must have zoned out because I heard a rap on my window door and I didn't know exactly what to do because my car wasn't on so I couldn't roll the window down and I couldn't just get out the car. If I turned the car on he might thing I was ignoring him and leaving so I undid my seatbelt and opened my door before getting out.

I finally met his emerald eyes to see them full of mirth. He licked his lips, very distractingly, I might add, and bit down on it.

"You okay? You seem...shaken."

"I'm not."

"Okay."

"You do drugs?" I blurted out and then closed my eyes in humiliation. I held them like that for a minute until I heard a choking sound. I opened one eye and saw him trying to contain his laughter, very poorly.

"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly, "sometimes I just say things. I don't mean to actually say them..."

"Yes you do. They don't just come from nowhere, now do they? I did drugs." When he said it it didn't seem as bad as what you thought it would be. For some reason whenever I thought someone admitted to doing drugs it would be some huge ordeal. Apparently not.

"It's not any of my business."

"It isn't," he agreed with a careful nod. I looked around us and finally nodded toward my car.

"I'm just gonna..."

"Wait," he said, grabbing hold of my arm. I peered up at him and he took a long look at the school before he looked at me like he was making a life-changing decision.

"Would you like to go for a ride?"


	2. Jump

**Here you go!**

Chapter 2: Jump

I could've laughed.

I actually think I did. There was a time maybe in eigth grade I would have jumped for the opportunity to even speak to Stefan Salvatore because, who wouldn't?

Today, however? Did I look like the type of girl who rode on the back of motorcycles with delinquents? My life was beginning to get a little to movie cliché for my tastes. Despite the fact that the Harley did look kind of tempting, it just wasn't my style. If I even had a style anymore. Plus, if I did do this, I could tick off something on my bucket list which has yet to be done to this day.

I can't even believe that I'm _considering_ this.

"No thank you," wise Elena said confidently. "My car is here and I actually don't feel to well today, so..." Which is all true. It's not like I'm lying or anything. I waited for him to respond but he just sort paused for a moment before biting on his lip.

He nodded in a sort of smug way before he gave quick smile, "I get it. I didn't really expect you to."

Hold the fucking phone.

He grabbed his leather satchel thing that was full of unused books and brand new paper and dropped it on his shoulders .

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Instead of being surprised by the fact that I was still holding a conversation with him, Stefan merely smiled that panty dropping smile of pearly white teeth and full lips and let out a chuckle.

"You don't exactly seem like the type to ride a motorcycle." He saw my look of shock and hurriedly held his hands out in defense. "It isn't a bad thing. I actually like that about you."

Somehow I got the feeling he didn't. For some reason, I think that he thinks that I'm too..._vanilla,_ or something. I'm not. I've done plenty of amazing out-of-this-world things that he wouldn't know about be cause he _does not know me_. I scowled at him and crossed my arms at my chest.

He just kept smiling like an idiot which was very cute and irritating at the same time. I took a glance at the bike and at him before I stomped my foot, "I would go on a ride with you, okay? I just have to get home." I tried to explain in frustration.

He pretended to think it over before he made a big gesture of having an idea. Insert scowl here. "Do you have any friends who can drive, but can't?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I nodded, "Bonnie's car is in the shop. She gets rides with Caroline." He probably didn't know who either of them was but still nodded all the same.

"I'll take you home and then Bonnie can drive your car. Fair enough?" He smiled again cheekily before removing his satchel.

I pulled my keys from my pocket and took a deep breath over the fact that I might actually be doing this.

"Let me go give these keys to Bonnie."

I started to walk toward the school but he reached a hand out to stop me. "Just put them in the car with the car unlocked and text her."

I stared at him blankly, not understanding what he was saying at all. He casually slung a leg over his bike and raised his eyebrows at me.

"I'm not going to do that. That's so unsafe. Someone is going to steal my car."

I heard a loud snort and was surprised it came from him. "You live in Lewiston. I highly doubt some one is going to steal your car in a _school_ parking lot." Sick of his sarcastic tone I threw him another glare.

"But hey, do what you want."

I muttered and grumbled under my breath as I put the car keys in the glove compartment and slamming the door. I pulled out my phone and sent out a quick text to Bonnie telling her she's won a car for the day.

I approached the car with the ignorance of a new born baby, which apparently he found pretty funny because he laughed and patted the seat behind him.

I tried, with little to no flourish, to get my leg across. Finally it did and I was seated behind him and it was pretty uncomfortable and comfortable all at once.

"Hold on to me," he directed. Don't have to tell me twice. I grabbed on to his sides eagerly, gripping him tightly, feeling but not dwelling on his hard chest. Before he started this _thing _up, he handed me the helmet. When I reached out to grab the helmet from him, he didn't let go. I peered up at him and he looked down into my eyes like he was trying to see if I would break.

"I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to do. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to do this."

Now that I have a beautiful escape route, deciding would have been easy but it wasn't. I think I did want to do this. Like actually have a desire to want to ride a bike with Stefan Salvatore.

Things change.

"No, I'm okay. Thank you." I pulled the helmet over my head, buckling it by my chin.

He smiled, but this time it was gentle and soft and just for me. He never looked more beautiful.

When he started the bike I closed my eyes and shuddered. The vibrations ran through my body and I yelped a little bit. I could feel him shaking of laughter and I nudged him with my knee trying not to move.

"Relax."

He peeled off forward and made a sharp turn to exit the parking lot. My heart started beating fast and my palms began to sweat before I opened my eyes. The whole word was just sitting there. He turned into the street and I could feel a smile starting on my face as he went faster and faster.

It wasn't nearly as scary as I would've assumed.

Pure adrenaline was buzzing through my veins and my smile turned to a full on laugh at the open air and beauty of everything around me. My grip loosened on his sides, not too much, and I could see him smiling at me.

"You better be keeping your eyes on the road!" I yelled over the loud purr of the engine. He laughed and shrugged. "Do you even know where you're going?"

He didn't answer me but took another left which I knew was not going in the direction of my house but I was too riled up to be bothered. Besides, the theory of him possibly being a psycho murderer was so seven minutes ago.

I just didn't care anymore. This was the most relaxed I'd felt in...forever. I don't think it was just the bike that made me feel this way, either.

We passed the park where kids were all playing, and one came and screamed at us while we drove by. We passed by the elementary school and the fire station and Stefan made a show of speeding up when we got to the police station. We made our way through the entire town but I didn't want to stop feeling this euphoric feeling of freedom. Ever. This was a bliss I may never feel again.

I'm not going to waste it.

We didn't talk a lot, which was more than okay, because we did laugh a lot. Well, more him laughing at me, but laughing all the same.

Finally, Stefan pulled around to the opening of my street, stopping at the side, not bothering to pull into the driveway.

I sat still behind him still holding onto his sides. I slowly adjusted myself so that I could lift my legs off the bike. When I walked a bit they felt like jelly and I stumbled, yanking the helmet off my head.

I looked up and Stefan stared at me with a timid smile. "Thank you," I muttered. He nodded and took the helmet from me.

I stood awkwardly staring at him, not sure what it was I was waiting for him to do. "So I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

He shook his head, "No, you wont."

I wasn't really shocked. "I forgot, you have that rebel image to uphold." I taunted him, crossing my arms over my chest. He shook his head again, this time with a breathless laugh. Then he sobered up and looked at me very seriously.

"I'm not a bad guy," he struggled to say. He looked up like he was thinking of something to say and then back down at me. "I do bad things sometimes, but I'm not a bad guy. That's not what I've been trying to sell to people either. I know I'm not bad."

It sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than me but I dropped it instantly.

"Why aren't you coming to school?"

"There's no point," he answered flatly. "Plus, I'm going out of town tomorrow."

"Where?"

"Everywhere." I studied him dubiously and frowned.

"You know graduation is in 3 months, right?"

"I might be back for that." His blasé attitude toward the subject made me want to run upstairs and grab my valedectorian speech and rip it to shreds so I could jump on the bandwagon.

"You might want to come to school and get your attendance in tact so you can graduate on time, you know?" He shrugged and pointed to my house.

"You have a nice house. It looks homey."

"Thank you," I said, eager to get back on topic, "You can't just leave everything here to go on an adventure."

"Jealous?" He joked before pulling on his hair. "My parents left me a lot of money. I've been saving up for this trip too, you know? Like since 6th grade. Now is the perfect time, I think. I think I'm going south first." I nearly laughed at how he didn't even know where he was going first and tried not to dwell on the jealousy comment.

"I...have fun." I gave in, getting that feeling that I felt when I was at school earlier with Bonnie. He watched me intensely before he grinned.

"Would you like to come with me?" He asked me, tilting his head. I shook my head immediately in disgust at the thought but doing back flips that he even asked.

"I have graduation and," I pointed toward myself, "valedectorian. Can't miss that. Plus, I don't know you."

He nodded thoughtfully, "You did just ride a motorcycle with me though." I glared at him but he only laughed.

"You should come. If you want to. No pressure, Elena." Already having a final answer, I just smiled. "Goodnight, Stefan."

"Sleep on it, Elena."

I nodded and started walking toward my house, hearing his engine roar behind me. I opened the door to my house and cut on the light.

"Who's that hottie?" I jumped and held my chest. Jenna laid on the couch, her sock covered feet raised high in the air. "He could get it."

I squinted my eyes at her. "Cougar. That's Stefan Salvatore. You know my history teacher? His brother."

"I see the sexy resemblance."

I rolled my eyes and started up the steps. "You've been moody. But you're glowing. God, I hate teenagers. They're so fickle." I touched my face and realized I still had a stupid smile on my face.

"I had a good day today."

I flew up the steps to ignore more of her insane inquisition and dropped everything to my floor. I laid down on my comfy bed and looked down at the mess of papers.

_My fellow students_

_what does it mean to graduate?_

I shouldn't be valedectorian. I haven't lived enough to know what it means to graduate or to live. I can't give advice to my classmates when I don't even have any advice for myself.

Looking down at it now, I realized how stupid I sounded. It was only 5 now and I could probably finish it...

Then the tiredness hit me of only 3 hours of sleep. This ridiculous, ridiculous, speech. Tiredly, I picked up a the orange scissors on my nightstand. Furious over my failure at this, I picked up one piece and cut it in half. The beginnings of a smile hinted on my face and I continued cutting each piece until I was sick of the scissors and used my hands. I pulled and tugged until they were tiny pieces of nothings.

This paper wasn't going to make me stress anymore.

I pushed the pieces off my bed and to the floor, a big chunk of stress off my back. I laid down and closed my eyes, dreaming of mesmerizing green eyes and a motorcycle. For a moment, I let myself dream of us together in Georgia or something and then Arizona or California or Vegas. Maybe he would take me to Washington. I dreamed further and imagined us in Italy or something, sipping champagne and eating pasta.

I would feel that euphoric feeling every day.

I wouldn't have to stress about college or graduation or anything here because none of it would matter.

I would kill for that. I would kill to be able to let everything in this stupid town go and just leave and he was so, _so _right. Because I'm jealous. I want to be able to have the lady balls to leave this town with no regrets but the truth is I'm vanilla.

I'm the epitome of everything he is not.

Soon, my body was enveloped in the darkness and I could feel myself falling into a deep sleep of Palm Springs with Stefan Salvatore.

When I woke up it was from my alarm clock shrilling in my ear. Did I just sleep the rest of yesterday away?

I laid in my bed for a long time, letting the sunlight beam down on my body. I slowly pulled myself up, brushing the hair out of my eyes and letting out a big yawn.

I dragged my feet to the bathroom and removed my clothes before hopping in the shower.

My body was on autopilot the rest of the morning, grabbing my granola bar from Jenna and brushing my teeth. I dressed pretty nicely as opposed to yesterday but was still pretty tired.

On the way out, I gave Jenna a kiss on the cheek and opened the door. I locked it behind me and looked out in the driveway.

A familiar looking Harley was parked on the side, still too lazy to just pull in. I tried not to smile and put a hand on my forehead to see in the sunlight. He was still seated on the bike, with a happy grin on his face.

He was waiting for me.


	3. Sprint

**Sorry if this took longer than you expected. Shout out to Laura and all the pink pudding! **

**Expect an update sometime this week? Eh. This isn't beta-ed so I'm deeply sorry for all the errors. Really.**

Chapter 3: Sprint

My smile faltered a little as I realized what he was probably doing here.

"I'm not coming with you," I stated, walking toward him. He just smiled and ran a hand through his hair that literally looked like sex.

"I'm taking you to school."

I smiled at him and shook my head. "You're going soft. But thank you, nonetheless."

He held out his helmet for me once again and I pulled it over my head-helmet hair be damned. The helmet smelt just like Stefan which was odd because I never noticed he actually had a smell. It was like cotton or fresh leather.

I'm losing my mind.

I hopped on the bike with ease and he appraised me with a smile and a taunting clap. "Look at that, you're a pro now."

I rolled my eyes and bumped his shoulder. "I"m a quick learner."

"Duly noted," he muttered under his breath.

Skipping the beautiful details, this ride was just as epic as the first. I think I was made to ride a motorcycle. I tried to tell Stefan that, but he disagreed saying that it was _him_ that, "made it worth the while". I laughed and slapped his shoulder but inside I was raving at how easily he could see through me.

The school parking lot wasn't that crowded, but the few people who were there all gave incredulous looks.

"I feel like such a rebel," I murmured in his ear. He snorted and parked the bike next to my mini cooper that Bonnie must have driven to school today. We wordlessly both got off so I unbuckled my helmet and handed it to him. He slipped it on and sat back on his bike biting his lip.

He pulled out a piece of paper and tucked it in my hand before leaning in and giving me a sideways hug.

"Have fun."

Not bothering to read the paper, I stuck it in my back pocket.

I looked at him in confusion and scowled. "What the hell? You aren't coming in with me?"

"I told you I was going on a trip, remember?"

_Yes, I remember you stupid idiot jerk but you can't just leave me here._

I smiled fondly and tilted my head. "Of course. I just didn't know you weren't going to come inside and walk me in."

"Why would I do that?"

I was at a loss for words and just stood there looking kind of stupid and feeling it too. I was stupid. I was an idiot.

Why would he do that?

I think this is a much needed reality check, actually. Stefan Salvatore means nothing to me. He is nothing to me. That isn't me being bitter about him walking me inside, for fucks sake. It's the truth.

And I'm...so overreacting and being extremely hormonal.

I turned on my heel without another word and power walked to the building with an exasperated sigh. I could hear a distant "_fuck"_, but ignored it. Before I got to the door, he had already caught up to me, grabbing onto my arm.

"I didn't mean it like that."

I calmly turned around to face him and smiled at him, "It's okay, Stefan. I get it."

"No, Elena. You don't."

"I do, actually. You don't have any claim on me. I don't have any claim on you. It's cool. It's fine. I'm fine."

For some reason a vision of Caroline speaking Spanish clouded my head.

Stefan looked down at the ground for a moment and then finally he focused back on me and shook his head. "Look, Elena. I..." He sputtered and then stopped and cleared his throat.

"Let me walk you in."

"You don't have to. This is stupid." Suddenly I felt like a tiny two year old and the embarrassment of this whole situation covered me like a blanket.

"I want to."

"Stefan please spare me the pity party, okay? I feel like a a total imbecile right now and really, I'm not looking for you to make me feel better."

His facial expression softened and he nodded slowly, "Okay."

We stood there again, just as awkward as the first time we ever spoke and I sighed. "I'll see you later?"

I didn't give him the chance to speak and buckled up the nerve to just leave him standing there.

Approximately four months ago, I submitted this story I wrote for my English class to the Mond Awards.

Avery Mond was this huge writer from New York who published a short story from his high school years. Pretty amazing, actually. Unfortunately, Avery died but left his money to go toward a scholarship that gave teens the opportunity to send in their very own high school work and win the money and...voila! Scholarship.

For me, this was no mountain that couldn't be tackled.

I was a good writer. That's what Jenna told me, what my friends told me, what my teachers told me...and because of that I considered this a fact.

Obviously I can't trust other peoples' opinions.

I, under duress, sent in my story because Jenna and my guidance counselor advised it.

I didn't actually think I would win it. I thought I would send it in and have a few laughs about the dumb rejection letter they'd send me back.

Until they made me believe I could.

"_Oh, but Ms. Gilbert, I know some of the readers down in that New York office and they are simply in awe."_

"_Elena, sweetie, I wouldn't lie to you, okay? If you don't win that thing, I will personally go down there and beat some ass because they must be...sexist, or something."_

"_Lena, you will totally win that thing."_

"_Amigo, vas a ganar."_

So, I'm not going to lie; I did develop a fairly huge head. And now, I'm extremely disappointed.

Mr. Gurney adjusted his tie awkwardly and bit his lip. "There's always next year, I suppose."

I looked at him quizzically. "I'm a senior."

He coughed and muttered a few words about being socially inept and then got up to get himself coffee.

I looked at the paper once again and tried not to dwell on it for fear of crying. I shouldn't cry. I tucked it in my bag and stood up. "Mr. Gurney, it isn't a big deal. I just...I need to go."

He didn't really care, but gestured to the door while his mouth was occupied with his steaming coffee mug. I grimaced and pushed open the door, anxious to be out of that tiny confined room for good.

Suddenly, this whole school was making me absolutely sick.

Every damn day I wake up and give 180% and do what I have to do to get good grades and be a good person and every day I watch the same people that do absolutely nothing, get the same or better results.

What's the point of trying anymore?

Before I could actually tell myself I'm being a bitter bitch, I opened the door to leave school again.

I reached in and grabbed my keys from my bag that Bonnie had given back to me this morning and took a calming breath. This time I made it to my car—no Salvatore, no distractions—and started my engine before peeling out of the parking lot. I didn't cry on the way home. Instead, I took the time to try and understand why I missed Stefan and why with him I didn't feel like such a failure anymore. Why with him, I could just be happy and everything melted away.

I was also trying to decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

When I got home, I unlocked my door and practically crawled to my room.

I wonder what Stefan's doing right now. If he's partying it up in Georgia or something with hot tan chicks that don't overreact or if he's having the time of his life just being without the shitty pressure of this shitty town.

I wonder if he's not even where he wants to be yet. Maybe he's just riding his motorcycle idly around, with a smile on his face. He's probably feeling the bliss I felt.

I really wanted to feel that again.

Actually. I craved it. I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. I want to go to Georgia or somewhere. I want to have a life to write about before I instruct others on how to live theirs. I want to let the wind swoop me around a motorcycle behind Stefan, eating nothing but Ramen noodles and Saltines for weeks. I want to feel the rush, the pure adrenaline, of not doing the easy thing or the right thing, but the thing that makes me happy. I don't want to read more rejection letters or write that stupid speech for a stupid graduation or wake up every morning doing the same thing over and over again.

I want Stefan too.

Not in that sexual way, either. Not even in a relationship way. Just his presence, you know? For some reason, when I'm with Stefan, I feel better. He brings out this goodness in me that I like. It's so ironic that in these moments where I feel that my life is so out of control, _he _is what keeps me grounded and calm.

God, I'm so done feeling sorry for myself.

I reached in my back pocket and pulled out the crumbled piece of paper tracing my fingers over the numbers and pursing my lips.

I slowly pulled my phone out from my bag and dialed the numbers with a cautious touch, wary of my next move.

I let the dial blare in my ear for a moment before he picked up.

"Hello?" He spoke smoothly through the phone. I cleared my throat and distracted myself with my stuffed bear before gaining some courage.

"Stefan?"

I think there was a clatter or something on the other line, but I wasn't sure. "Elena."

My stomach rolled around in knots of butterflies and I almost melted at his voice. "Where are you?"

He didn't answer, but then he sighed and I could feel his smile.

"Stefan, did you leave?" No answer.

Swallowing my frustration, I closed my eyes and began to whisper. "Stefan, I want to come with you."

"What?"

I looked at the floor and spoke a little louder. "Stefan, I want to come with you."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Gilbert, I can't hear you." I would be mad, but hearing the pure elation in his voice made me smile.

"Stefan Salvatore, when are you going to pick me up?"


	4. Leap

**I wish that I could sit around writing all day but unfortunately, I can't. I got the flu instead! There isn't a lot of angst in this story, so it's definitely a shit ton of fluff n stuff. This chapter is short but the next one is their time in Georgia which will be pretty long and is halfway done. **

**I hope every one had a great Christmas/happy holidays!  
**

Chapter 4: Leap

I tried extremely hard not to think about what it was I was about to do. I figured if I at least swallowed the wise Elena in my head, I could make it out of this stupid town with zero regrets.

I didn't know what to pack or rather, _how _to pack. So, instead of stressing about it all, I grabbed a purse and filled it up with basic necessities that I could potentially need to get through this-things I really needed, like nail polish and then of course remover, some make up and hair products. I slammed some underwear in there along with a single pair of jeans and my favorite t-shirt as well as my toothbrush, washcloth, contact stuff and my cell phone. I hated to part with my flat iron, but something told me taking what I had already was more than enough strain.

I paced around my room for a little while before I decided that pacing wasn't exactly my thing and actually made me think _more_. I sat on the edge of my bed and crossed and uncrossed my legs while I waited to hear the now familiar purr of his motorcycle.

It was only 15 minutes longer that I had to wait. I didn't let him come to the door, instead, I practically ambushed him running out the house.

He looked like he did earlier, just a little more happier, which made me smile. He walked up to me and grabbed a hold of my hand. I resisted the temptation to kiss him because I knew it would ruin this blissful moment of just _being._

Normally I was a label type of girl. Everything needed a name, a place, a time, or a reason. However, I thoroughly enjoyed having our friendship being unknown. It was just more fun that way.

I pulled my left hand out into sight which held my bag and he gave me an incredulous look. "What is all this shit?"

I scoffed at his tone and held the bag close to my chest. "Things I need for travel. I only brought things I absolutely needed."

He nodded and then slowly reached his hand out to dig in my bag. He grabbed hold of the chunky yellow metal and pulled it out. "A blow dryer?"

I shrugged. "I left my flat iron here." He laughed dryly and sighed.

"You need to re-pack."

I looked blankly at him, and then at my bag. "Excuse me?"

He laughed and shrugged at me, "If you don't want to do it, then go ahead and take it with you. I bet you you won't be able to keep up with all of that."

I narrowed my eyes at him and lifted the bag on my shoulder to show that I'd accepted his challenge. "What did you bring?" I eyed his figure curiously.

"Nothing," he answered with a grin, "nothing but me."

I gave him a curious look before I strapped the bag on my shoulder, walking toward the bike. "Are we going?"

He bit his lip and looked at me with earnest eyes that looked like they held a thousand tales. He only rarely looked at me like that in the time I've known him, and it was my favorite look on him.

"Are you sure you want to go?" He asked softly. He tilted his head trying to read me and then shook it to clear his thoughts, "I don't want you doing something you don't want to do. Did something happen today?"

I must have been pretty easy to read, obviously.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and shook my head, "Not at all. I'm super pumped for this. I swear," I promised him, actually meaning it. He took that as an indication to hop on the bike with a cheeky grin and stretched his neck.

"Well, lets get going. Where do you want to go, Miss Gilbert?" My eyes widened and I felt the overwhelmingly beautiful pressure of having a decision of my own that I was in complete control of. I could leave this town and go wherever I wanted to without having to answer to anyone. I could barely breathe.

"Georgia," I choked out. He nodded with a smirk.

"We have similar tastes."

* * *

Maybe it didn't hit me that we were actually doing this. When we hit the city sign that said we were out of Lewiston, I grinned so hard my cheeks felt like they were going to fall off. When we hit the state sign that said we were leaving Utah, I squeezed Stefan's shoulder and nearly jumped off the bike in pure excitement.

I just couldn't shake this feeling of happiness.

He told me it was going to be an all day trip, and that if it were only him he would've driven the rest of the way on caffeine, but he didn't want to risk it. Risk what? I'm not sure.

We pulled over on the brink of Wyoming and my euphoric air was fading into fatigue. Jenna had called three times, Bonnie twice and Caroline once. Please don't be mistaken about all of this though. I'm not a bitchy person. I _will _call back. Just not now, maybe later tonight. I'm an eighteen year old woman—an adult—I can make my own decisions. These are things I should be able to do, you know?

The hotel wasn't dingy or overly pristine. Clean enough for me to sleep in the bed but not enough for me to snuggle.

"I can sleep on the floor," Stefan started as we stared at the single bed. I almost laughed at the expression on his face. I had no doubt in my mind that if I asked him to sleep on the floor he would, but considering I'm barging in on his trip, I had to woman up.

"Don't be stupid." And that was all that was said on the subject. It was one more thing I had learned about Stefan and I's relationship; I could just give him a look and he could practically read my mind and vice versa. We didn't really have to talk much to each other but I'd become rather talkative regardless.

Stefan had also taken to calling me Bambi.

At first I was a bit leery of the deer inspired nickname but had quickly come to realize that he probably never nicknamed a person in his life and I should be super gracious that he decided to nick name me. Plus, Bambi wasn't all that bad.

He said it was because of my eyes. I'm swooning.

"Have you called Jenna?" He asked flippantly, preparing himself to get into the shower. I watched him idly as he moved around the room, his taut muscles flexing with every bit of exertion. He was doing the hottest thing and absolutely nothing all at once. The sexual tension (for me) was nearly suffocating. If only he actually knew what I was thinking about ever since we took off.

I'm not exactly a sexual person. I'm not a virgin (shout out to Matt Donovan!) but I never really had time for sex. Or even time to actually think about it. But lately, all I can think about is Stefan's hands, his arms, his ass, his chest, his face, his eyes...everything. And all that I fantasize about is us in bed somewhere cuddling and eating ice cream. That being said, I really need a manual on when to or if I should ever make a move.

Because honestly, I just don't think Stefan sees my the way I see him.

"Nope," I chirp, flipping through a magazine I brought with me.

He nods silently and then peers up at me, "You should probably do that."

"I will," I nod carefully, "I'm going to do it later."

"You should probably do it within 24 hours," he reiterated, "I mean you didn't even leave a note."

I tried to get back into my magazine but he sighed, "Elena this isn't fair to them."

"Jesus Christ, Stefan. I'm going to call, I said I would."

"Yeah, well you said you would earlier too. I'm sorry, but I just don't think it's going to happen," he noted sarcastically. His little douche voice was really starting to piss me off. I picked at a piece of my hair and twirled it.

"Would you stop bugging me about this? I thought this trip was supposed to be peaceful and you're treating me like a two year old child."

"I'm just saying, I agreed to let you go, and Jenna's probably worried sick about you."

In agitation I drop my magazine on the bed. "Why does it matter? Why do you even care?" I was probably being a little bitchy right now, but I'm getting real tired of him treating me like a little kid.

His eyes flashed and he glared at me, "Be lucky to have people who care about you, Elena." Well then. Whatever. He grabs a towel and slams the bathroom door shut before I can even attempt to win the argument.

At first his little comment didn't get to me.

It didn't get to me when he got out the shower and I hopped in, or when I came back out and he was already half asleep.

Then I couldn't sleep.

At all.

"Stefan," I whispered, poking his arm. "Stefan, please."

He made a sexy grunt noise and flipped over on his side. I tried to reach over him to turn on the bedside lamp but then he groaned.

"Elena, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to wake you up."

"Mission accomplished." He turned back over on his side and I couldn't see but I could most definitely feel his eyes on me..

"I'm sorry Stefan." He furrowed his eyebrows and lifted one of his arms to scratch at his jaw. God I could only imagine...

Please send help.

"What the hell are you sorry about? Elena, go to sleep."

"No."

"If you don't want to be treated like a two year old, stop acting like one, Elena." I bit my lip and tapped his shoulder in the dark.

"I am lucky to have people who care about me."

"You are," he remarked in a groggy voice.

"You're lucky too," I said in a soft whisper. He froze before I heard him sigh.

"Go to sleep, Elena."

"I care about you, Stefan." I couldn't find myself to be embarrassed by this truth. I could no longer deny that a great portion of how happy I've been has been because of Stefan. I didn't know much about him or where he came from or anything, but actually giving a shit that he was mad at me or disappointed in me made me realize that I did care about Stefan a lot. He was this enigma that I could not get over. So I said it because I meant it and just because I think he needed to hear it. He froze again and his breathing became labored. I could feel his eyes doing that searching thing again.

Then in the smallest, weakest, but most earnest voice I'd ever heard him use, he mumbled, "I care about you, too."

My heart wanted to erupt right then, I don't think I could take much more of his little cuteness. I smiled and I think he smiled too, which was actually really nice considering the fact that I was a bitch to him earlier.

"I'm going to call Jenna tomorrow," I tell him confidently, "Bonnie and Caroline too."

"Go to sleep, Elena."

So I do.

* * *

"My shoulder hurts," I complain, following Stefan out to the bike. He sighs and faces me.

"I told you so."

"Stefan," I whine pulling at the strap of my bag. He lets out another exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes.

"Give me your bag."

I hurriedly take the heavy thing off and hand it to him. He mutters something under his breath before putting the strap on his own shoulder. I put my hand over my mouth as we walk through the parking lot and try not to laugh. As he begins to practically strut his stuff, I can't help but let a giggle.

He looks back at me and glares, "If you're going to laugh you can have it back."

"I'm sorry."

"No you aren't."

"I'm not."

When we reach the bike, he looks pointedly at my bag. "You're holding it while we ride."

"Okay, but if you ever want to borrow it, let me know. You looked so cute holding it."

"You think I'm cute?" He throws back, giving me a smirk.

"No."

"You just said it."

"No, I said when you used my bag you looked cute which I was mostly using as a way to piss you off."

"So you said it."

I got a bit flustered as he looked intently at me. "I didn't say it like-that's not what I meant. Like you're good-looking but I was kidding, and I didn't..."

He let out a loud laugh and shook his head, "You're funny, Elena."

Recovering from my embarrassment, I play with a strand of hair. "You're an asshole.


	5. Pause

**If you haven't already, I have a new story up called 'Call Me Daddy'. Feel free to check it out! I'm also on a hunt for a beta, so if you're interested, PM me. That being said, I'm sorry about the mistakes. I split the chapter in half, and left you with a good ol' cliffy.**

Chapter 5: Pause

A sizzling noise fell through the air as a man twirled his spatula, spooning a piece of meat on the grill. I smiled and practically inhaled the smell of the greased delectable, nearly salivating.

Stefan laughs. "You act like you haven't eaten meat before."

I brush him off and continue watching the man prepare my sausage. "Nothing like that."

Since our 'moment' in Wyoming, Stefan has been extra careful around me. It further concludes my theory of him wanting to make sure that we don't cross any lines. Even our bike riding has been less intimate than before.

Part of me would like to confront him, but there was nothing that I could really say. We weren't in a relationship. It would be presumptuous to even assume we were friends.

I felt like a little girl with her first crush. It's the most ridiculous thing ever. Half the time I want to kiss him and the other half I want to hit him for _making_ me want to kiss him. It doesn't help to my cause that he always wears short sleeved shirts, either. If only he knew my penchant for arms—more specifically—his arms.

We finally got to Georgia, and it was my favorite place ever. Stefan thinks I will say that about every place we go to, but Georgia is just so much fun. It's gorgeous, and the people are so nice. The food is so amazing, and this is my second sausage.

We're supposed to go to Atlanta tonight, and I'm super excited. Stefan and I have been looking at pamphlets all day about the night life and aquarium. Even though he's desperate to keep his cool guy motif, I can tell he's excited too.

The man hands me my sausage and I nearly squeal.

Then Stefan takes it from me. "Excuse you?" I ask him, frowning. He laughs at me and he hasn't really done that in a while. Even though I should be thoroughly pissed and done with him and his mood swings, I can't help but bite back a smile.

"You didn't even ask if I wanted another one. You just watched me look at the sausages and got another one. Without me."

I smirked at him and he scowled, ripping a piece off the end. "I just want one bite," he promises, tossing it in his mouth. I'm a little jealous of that piece of sausage.

He eats it dramatically, chewing it and shaking his head and then hums, "One more piece."

The man behind the counter laughs with him as he precedes to eat nearly half of my sausage. "Stefan, give me that back."

"You had one, I had none."

"Go get yourself one."

He hands me back the sausage with a roll of his eyes, "That was much more fun." I roll my eyes and begin to walk away from him. I sit down at a bench, alone, and eat the rest of the sausage slowly.

When Stefan doesn't follow me, I try not to let it get to me.

I called Jenna, and after being pissed and threatening to call the cops, she was pretty forgiving. She realized that I was an adult, it was my decision and not a kidnapping, and that I actually needed a break. She's still pissed I didn't leave a note or anything. She said she was going to call the school, but I don't know what she'll say.

I didn't ask Stefan if he had anyone to call. I didn't know if he did.

I look back at the counter and Stefan is waving his hands, talking to an old elderly woman.

_I'm not so pissed anymore, I guess._

He crosses his arms and nods at her while she talks slowly about something. He meets my eye and holds me there for a second before grinning. He points over toward me and I wave a little toward the pair.

For some reason, they start laughing and I stop myself from scowling. Stefan ends the conversation and finds his way back to me.

I look at him and he stares back at me, slowly beginning to smile. "What?"

I mock him and heighten my voice, "What?"

He playfully glares at me and then shakes his head, "Don't give me that look, Elena."

"What look? I haven't known you long enough for you to know my looks."

"Ah, but I do know your looks. The one your giving me right now? It screams, I want another sausage, how do I go about this?"

"Halfway right."

He doesn't say anything else and I sigh. "This is like pulling teeth. What were you talking to that woman about?"

Suddenly his cheeks turn red and I smile the largest I ever had. I made Stefan blush! Well, I brought up something that made him blush. "Nothing," he mumbles. Now I'm intrigued.

"No really," I continue, "what is it?"

He lets out a gust of air and looks down at his hands. "She said that we made a good couple. I was just explaining that we, you know, aren't. Then I told her about how we met and she was talking about her and her husband and...yeah. It's not a big deal."

I didn't know how I felt about this. First, my heart fluttered at the aspect of us being a couple. We would definitely be a bit of a strange one.

But I could picture it, and now that I could, I couldn't stop.

Then, a splash of cold water hit me.

He corrected her.

Not that I should be freaking out about it, because we weren't dating, but I felt rejected anyways.

I could vouch that I was reading this all wrong because he blushed at the idea, but I don't know what that even means. He did talk about how we met, but it might've been more of a friendly manner. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

I was never this girl.

I never freaked out about what guys thought about me. I felt like I was Caroline or something. I have to make a pledge to myself to not care what Stefan Salvatore cares about me anymore. I have to make this trip amazing and that includes avoiding all romantic topics.

So, I just nod and shrug, "Yeah, not a big deal."

* * *

Stefan was like a little boy. It was so cute. (Just because I don't care about what he thinks, doesn't mean I can't state facts in the privacy of my own thoughts.)

We were still in our same clothes, which was really gross, but we did have time to shower at the hotel we were staying in.

Stefan basically pulled me out of our hotel room and took me to the Atlanta Aquarium which was mind-blowing. I could deal with animals, from a distance, but Stefan wanted to jump in the tank with them.

"Look at that dolphin, Elena." I'm looking, Stefan. He pulls me closer to the tank and grins at the fish before knocking on the tank. Again.

The staff workers have already told him not to do that, but he just would not stop.

"Stefan, you're going to piss them off."

He shakes his head vehemently, "No. I've gone to so many aquariums before and I do it every time." He continues watching the dolphin like it's going to develop a cure for cancer right then and there, and then turns back to look at my face every time it did something stupid, to see if I was enjoying it as much as he was.

Even though I was, I was mostly enjoying seeing Stefan have a million and a half heart attacks over the damn fish.

Finally, he pulls out the map from his back pocket and runs through it a couple times. "We can go see the turtles. I think they even have an exhibit where you can feed one," he says excitedly. Even though he's anxious as hell, he looks up at me for permission.

"Do you want to see it?"

"Of course," I basically lie. Like I said, animals from a distance.

We visit the rest of the aquarium and Stefan buys me cotton candy that I spend the majority of the time eating and looking at. The plus side to this trip, was that he confided in me that he always wanted to work here and be able to swim with them. While I couldn't see the appeal, I was happy that he told me something about himself.

I did have to dash his dreams though, and tell him that they probably would never hire him because he taps the tank—the ultimate 'no-no' of the fish world. That earned me a scowl and a flick of the shoulder.

I was really excited about the Atlanta Skyline from Buckhead that we would see tonight.

Stefan teases me. "You don't get excited about fish, but you get excited about views."

I nod, "Yes. You know, I wanted to be a photographer before."

He stops and gives me a strange look. "Really? Did you bring your camera?"

I sigh at the touchy subject and shake my head. "I stopped taking pictures four years ago."

"When your parents died," he concedes with a frown.

I nod again, "That's when I realized that I should be spending my time doing school related things so that I could grow up and be successful and live a fulfilled life. I still look at pictures, but other than taking shots of my friends and I on my phone, not a thing. My camera broke the day after my parents died and I didn't bother to fix it."

It was a more detailed answer than what I'd given Bonnie or Caroline and that surprised me. Something about Stefan's eyes were just very comforting and honest. Like you could tell him a thousand secrets and he would just listen.

He dropped the subject as quickly as he started it and led me to a popcorn line. "You're going to get me fat," I complained with a grin.

He looked at me appalled, "Who says this is for you?"

He ordered extra butter and salt and munched on it noisily as we made our way around Atlanta. Plenty of girls checked Stefan out, and I wondered how he didn't notice they looked at him that way.

One girl, specifically, smiled at Stefan and he smiled politely back, giving a little wave. My wave. The same wave that he waved to me with at my doorstep. I wasn't jealous. I really was not jealous. It's just I really, really, really, hated that girl for some reason.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with jealousy.

"She seems nice, do you know her?"

He gave me another strange look and shook his head. "That girl back there? No."

I nodded, biting my tongue and then continued, "Well, it's just you waved at her and smiled at her so..."

He didn't seem bothered at my obvious internal rage. "Just being polite."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. A boy walked by, maybe a year younger than me, scratching at his head. He was no Stefan, but he would do.

_Let's see how he likes it._

I wave at him and smile, and he waves back, except the boy stops and I don't. I kind of trip over his leg? Or maybe he trips over mine. And I fall forward before Stefan can catch me.

The Atlantians all watch my tumble, some amused, some concerned. The boy rushes out some apologies and I give him my best, least embarrassed, smile. Stefan doesn't look jealous, or even amused at my fall. He looks straight up angry.

It's kind of sexy.

He looks at the boy and scowls. "Could you watch where you're going?" The boy becomes a douche bag in .5 seconds.

"She waved at me and fell over me," he says with an annoying smirk that is not half as attractive as Stefan's. "Maybe if you kept her happy, she wouldn't be looking for strangers."

Then Stefan's furious, and I don't know what to say to diffuse the situation. This is not how this was supposed to happen.

Stefan lets go when he sees I'm steady on my feet and then turns to the douche bag boy. "Say that again?" He says sarcastically, like he already knows he's going to pummel the boy to the floor. I notice people are staring at us and I put my hand on his arm.

"Stefan, let it go. I want to go see the skyline."

He calms down a little but is still in the boy's face. The boy looks at Stefan's arms, and I don't think he thinks they are sexy like I do, I think he thinks they're accessories to his potential murder. I also don't think he wants to say it again.

I see a cop leering around the corner, practically waiting for Stefan to throw a punch so I quickly get in between the two.

When Stefan sees my face, he doesn't say anything. He gives the boy a lasting hard look and then walks away.

I follow him, needing a light jog to keep up. "Stefan-"

"What the hell was that?" He turns on me, a fierce glare in place. I look at the ground and shrug. "What do you mean "you don't know"?"

I shrug again. He mutters something under his breath. "Did you think that he was going to just let that go? The fact that a girl like you waved at him?" I wanted to ask him what a girl like me was but decided against it.

"I don't want to fight with you, Stefan." Which I didn't. I already felt stupid enough.

"No, we aren't fighting. We're talking," he explains angrily, "I just don't get you, Elena."

"Yeah? Well I don't get you either." He ignores my snide comment and pulls at his hair.

"What were you thinking?"

"Maybe I was thinking it would get you to pay attention to me for more than just a second." He froze and even though I didn't mean to let that out, I figured I might as well continue on. "You look at me like I'm your sister, or your best friend...I mean, for God's sake, you gave that girl more attention than you gave me since we started this trip. So what if I waved at the guy, I didn't mean to fall over him."

He groaned, "You don't know what you're saying."

"Yes I do, Stefan."

"No, you really don't." His lips looked really kissable all of a sudden. More kissable than any other moment. The more he talked, the more I stared. "Because if you did, you'd know what you're saying isn't...it isn't right."

"How isn't it right? You're making this more complicated than it really is," I tell him.

"You're making this more simple than it actually is."

I'm thinking about kissing him. I don't necessarily have time to produce a pro and con list, but hopefully this was the right choice to make. He would stop talking and we would stop fighting. His lips looked really good, and I was ready to divulge in some stupidity for once in my life.

So before he can say anything else, I take his face in my hands and lean forward to kiss him on his lips just because I can.


	6. Reverse

**miss-stelena's review made me crack up for some reason. Have a little faith. Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I love you guys so much, and they all make me smile! Here's a much needed talk.**

Chapter 6: Reverse

His hands fall immediately to my hips, and I try not to smile in fear of ruining this moment. There was a caution held in his hands as he gripped me, innocence lacing every touch. Is this what a kiss was supposed to be like? My entire life was full of kisses that were mediocre at best, at least in comparison to this.

Our lips slowly move together, tasting, feeling, and desperately trying to memorize each other; the way he pulled and every way that I licked. Our innocence turned frantic in a matter of seconds. The wanton way he grabbed my hips, the tiny nibbles he'd left on my lips, only fueled my desire for this one guy and this one moment.

That he had to ruin.

Almost like a switch was turned off, he freezes, and raises both his hands to pull my hands off his face. There's a sting of rejection I feel that I quickly mask with an expressionless face. I look into his eyes, and it's the closest we've ever been, even though we stand further apart. He leans his forehead against mine, and gives me another peck on the side of my mouth.

I can't be sure if he actually wanted to kiss me, or if he felt pity, but I scowl regardless.

"I'm sorry," he says. I can feel my face heating up, and I want to smack him in his stupid, good-looking, face. I didn't want him to be sorry. In a perfect world, he would keep kissing me, and he would tell me that everything I felt earlier was all in my head and that he actually wanted me in some way.

In my world, he would have told me we would spend the rest of this trip together, _being_ together. That's the choice I wanted. I don't even think that there is another option.

He squints his eyes at the nothingness behind me. "I know that isn't what you want to hear, Elena," he says, a knowing glint in his eyes. He slowly turns to face me, like he knows he could be hit in any moment. Good.

I huff, "Then why are you saying it, Stefan." He gives me a pensive look and then looks at me very seriously. He opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it just as quickly.

"We'll talk about it later," he concedes. I want to refuse, but he perks up and points to the caramel apples. I could suffer in silence for a few more hours.

* * *

Georgia was my favorite place ever, and this time I meant it. We had this amazing view that Stefan managed to haggle out of the staff, but it was beautiful. There were towers, lights, and it was all topped by the night sky.

It would be romantic if I were even speaking to Stefan.

I put myself out there, dammit. I don't do this often, and I felt angry, upset, and so disappointed. I reeked of self-deprecation, and my self esteem dropped like ten points in the past hour. It was like he didn't even care.

It was moments like right now, though, that I wanted him to make a sarcastic comment that I could laugh at, and we could joke about it and watch the skyline together and be happy. We could share our first kiss here, instead of in the streets of Atlanta after we fought. I felt more stupid and more stupid the more I thought about it. I could imagine how it would be if only I hadn't of kissed him. We'd fight, we'd make up, and I would suffer my days watching his sexy arms all day and all night; I should have made a pro and con list.

I felt his stare on me for a few beats, but then he turned his head. "It's great, isn't it? I bet you wish you had your camera right now," he tells me with a sad smile. I nod, and he lets out a sigh.

"Are you that mad at me?"

"Yes," I tell him honestly. "You rejected me."

"No I didn't."

"You apologized," I tell him with sadness lacing my tone. I turn to him, "Stefan, I kissed you and you apologized. Stop being cryptic and moody and just tell me why you're acting like this." His mouth twitches, and he lets out a chuckle.

"You're talking to me again."

"Stefan," I warn. He turns serious and tugs on his hair, a telltale sign of him being nervous. Then he rounds on me, all green eyes and sexy hair.

"I think you're beautiful," he announces. I try hard to keep my resolve, but it wasn't very easy. When he looks at you so honestly, how could you not believe him? "I also think that you're smart, funny, a little crazy sometimes, but determined. You have goals, you have dreams, and you have the confidence of knowing you can obtain those goals. I like that. I think you're inspiring as hell, Elena."

I was really loving the compliments, but if this was how he was going to explain himself, I could only let him go on for maybe an hour more.

He babbles on more, like he can't control the words coming out of his mouth."You also hold my attention, which a lot of people can't manage to do. There's something good about you, but not because it's a given, you know? You don't just not do bad things because you want to keep up your good image, you do good things because you're genuine, and you're real."

I don't know if I'm pouting or drooling when I speak again. I don't even know if I'm pissed or flattered. It's more like this overwhelming feeling of both."What does that have to do with anything?" I ask, trying to focus more on being pissed.

He chuckles at my impatience and sighs. "Then you can be infuriating, and impatient, and annoying, and all around insane. For some reason though, I like that about you too. I think it makes you more beautiful than you were before. That's why I hold your heavy bag—"

I open my mouth to interrupt, but he holds his hand up. "You asked me to talk, right?"

I glare at him, "Yes, but, I want to know why you aren't sweeping me off my feet, then. Why you stopped kissing me."

"Like I said, extremely impatient," he ignores me, annoyed. "I still do those dumb things for you, because I can't even say no to you. These aren't traits that I learned to like from growing up around you, or us living in the same town. It was something I was able to figure out within the past few days."

I interrupt again and this time he scowls at me. "So you didn't pine over me?"

"No."

I start to smile, "No life-long crush that you've been waiting to reveal and chose to do it by taking me places?"

He slowly begins to grin. "No."

"With all these compliments, my mind was starting to wander..." I tease, bumping his shoulder. He shakes his head, but I swear he's blushing again.

"I always thought you were hot, but no, I never _pined_."

"I'm a little upset about that."

"Stop interrupting me." But the smile on his face told me he was happy that I was talking to him again. Even if I did interrupt his nice little speech. "I've been working on this for days."

I snort at this, but motion for him to continue and his face sobers. "I have no doubt in my mind that if we happen—" he pauses and bites his lip, "ifwe happen, we will be amazing."

My heart starts hammering and I grin. "You don't have to wait, I feel the same. Let's make 'when' now." All this hope inside my body is going to make me collapse.

He smiles a tiny smile and then shakes his head. "We can't."

I trace the wooden railing ahead of us in slow circles with my pinky finger as I think. Why couldn't he?Is he married? In a relationship? I hadn't even asked those things before I slept in the same bed with the guy. Obviously, I've lost all morals.

I fear his answer."Why not?"

He sighs, something he does around me a lot. "When you walked out the school, I was getting ready to enroll again." Something told me I shouldn't interrupt, so I bite my tongue.

"Damon has been pressuring me, because he knows I'm smart. He knows I get the material, I just don't want to be in school. School isn't where I want to be. I did it anyway, because my mom would have liked that. If she were here, she'd be pissed as hell..." he trails off nostalgically. I smile at his expression.

"So I pack up my things, and I get on my bike, and I have all these notebooks and pens, and pencils, because I'm ready to _try_ and be ready to go back to school. In my head, all I can think about though, is this trip. I think about how much I want it and need it. I pull into the parking lot, and you're fuming. I meet your eyes, and I know you need it almost as much as I do."

I stare up at him, and he studies me very carefully, then grins sheepishly, "Plus, you're hot.." Instead of hitting him, I laugh and he shakes his head at me.

"I knew you'd come with me, because I knew you needed it. But also, I knew you thought like everyone else in that school. I was a bad guy. I was trouble. What good girl wouldn't want to slum it for a bad guy for a couple of hours? I wouldn't blame you for thinking that about me, either. See, Elena, I'm not the person who tries to maintain an image, either. I do nothing, just like you. I just do what I think is right. I try, but I still do bad things, and I think that means that I'm as bad as you are good."

I didn't expect Stefan to say so much to me, but he says it all very straight-forwardly, like he knew he would be saying this to me. Most of all, he says it with a purpose, a fixed gaze, and honest eyes, because he really meant it.

"That's not it, though. I have no qualms with that fact. This trip's sole purpose, however, was for you to finally be free of that town. It was for you to be able to find who Elena Gilbert is, really. I think you accomplished that, for fucks sake you ate three sausages, remember?"

I do.

"I think it's great that you're letting go. I think you look more beautiful now then you ever have before. But I also think you're confused. I think that this trip is new and exciting, and that I'm new and exciting, and that it's clouding your judgment. You may want me now, but I'm not going to let this get in the way of what we really want to do here. More importantly, Miss Gilbert, I'm not going to allow you to break my heart. I think you may be the only one who can." He says his final line in a definitive tone that I can barely argue with. Barely.

"You're wrong," I tell him, because he is. I know what I want. I didn't jump on Stefan's bike because I wanted to get a taste of bad. I got on Stefan's bike because...well I'm not sure yet. He just gives me a smirk that makes my heart melt a little.

"I knew you would say that."

We sit in a soft silence, not full of anger like before, but understanding. I do understand Stefan. He's wrong, but I understand where he would think he was right. It only made me want to fight that much harder, though. Me seeing him here, talking to me without pretenses or sarcasm, made me like Stefan so much more than before. This guy held a very tough exterior, but there was something vulnerable about him. There was a lot of self-doubt he had, and I desperately wanted to smooth that away. It didn't scare me, it made me want us more. He was right; we could be amazing together. We _will_ be amazing together.

My mouth opens even though I don't want to speak. "What does this mean, then?"

He tightens his jaw, "You have to stop kissing me." Man. He looks up at me, still trying to read me; he's always trying to read me. "If we get back home, and you want me as much as you want me now, I will be there in a heart beat. I'll follow you anywhere you go, if that's what you want."

His words made my heart warm.

I tried to picture us in college together, but I couldn't. Stefan won't graduate, and that made me more scared than anything. I wanted out of this town, but he would be stuck in high school. I wanted to ask him why, but I think we've done enough talking today. I'm all talked out.

I grab his hand, because hand-holding is friendly, right?

"I want to sleep," I tell him, almost yawning. He gives me a cute smile and rubs circles with his thumb on my hand as we walk away from our view.

"By the way, Elena?"

"Yes, Stefan?"

"I wouldn't kiss my little sister."

I almost snort. "Okay, Stefan."

**Don't worry, do you really think Elena will stop kissing Stefan? If you were alone on a trip with Paul Wesley, would you stop kissing him? I'll let you dwell on that.**


	7. Climb

**Any mistakes are mine.**

**Thanks for the lovely reviews!**

Chapter 7: Climb

"Stop acting like a little girl. Eat it."

No way.

I could eat ten thousand of Georgia's finest sausages and still go to bed craving more. However, some things were better left uneaten.

He gnaws at the disgusting food hungrily, and if he didn't look so cute doing it I would've thrown up. I grab it out of his hand and throw it down on the hotel room floor, squashing it with my foot. He raises his eyebrow at me and shows me the cylinder container.

"I still have tons more," he taunts.

Scowling, I sigh impatiently and sway side to side on the bed. "What are we doing today?" Stefan sticks another _Pringle_ in his mouth and narrows his eyes.

"I told you. It's a surprise." I hate surprises so much. Actually, I don't. Not until recently.

I sigh again. "Can't you give me a little hint? Please?" I widen my eyes and jut out my lip, but Stefan holds his ground.

"No."

My face drops and I kick him with my foot. My clothed foot, mind you. That's right, I got new socks. Well, and new clothes. Since we would be staying longest here before we left to Vegas, Stefan thought we should use our money on clothes. Why we went from Utah to Georgia and then after leave for Vegas is beyond me. Stefan says it's more fun going sporadically. I think it's stupid.

It didn't take long to get to Oklahoma. Definitely not one of my top places to visit, but Stefan says he's been here before and there's a lot to appreciate.

I've yet to see it.

"How should I dress?" I ask him, sliding from the bed to join him on the floor. He sets his container down and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"Don't worry about it."

I resisted the urge to lean into him and narrowed my eyes at his hand resting on my shoulder. Stupid, hot, hand. Apparently, the rules only applied to me. Stefan could put his arms around me, kiss my cheek, my hand and anywhere else but my lips. He could also snuggle with me at night—he is definitely a snuggler—and brush my hair from my face all the time. But when I stroke his biceps, I get a warning look from him. It's so unfair.

One of the attributes that Stefan said he liked about me, was my determination. I was going to show him just how strong that determination is. I was going to show him how I could easily mess with his head like he messes with mine. I was going to seduce him.

You don't know how it feels to have a guy like that kiss you and then just stop. I'm a woman, and I have needs too.

I let my urges take over and lean into him anyway, consequences be damned. Are guys supposed to smell this good?

"Elena," he warns, as my hands travel to the hem of his shirt. I wasn't going to go up it. I just wanted to feel his abs a little. I huff and roll my eyes.

He can't tell me what to do.

Suddenly an idea strikes me. I keep my hand planted firmly at the hem of his shirt and lift a little. He sighs and I smile. I remove my hand and straighten up before looking him straight in the eyes. "Kiss me, or I'll take my shirt off."

His eyes bug out and he looks nervously between me and my chest. I push my boobs out a little, because I have great ones and I know that Stefan knows that. He continues his little eye dance before he shakes his head at me.

"I didn't think you would stoop so low."

"I'm warning you, Stefan. It's hot in this room anyway."

He rolls his eyes and leans in and kisses me. On my cheek. I almost growl in frustration. "Not my cheek. My lips."

He groans and stands up. "Bambi, we've been over this. No kissing."

I shrug, "Then I'm taking my shirt off."

About a minute passes of him just glaring at me before he crosses his arms. His arms. My God, those arms.

"Fine, I'm leaving then."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know, somewhere that insane women aren't taking off their clothes. You're...you're sex obsessed!"

I stand up and flop back onto the bed just as Stefan's phone rings beside me. I lazily reach for it and read the screen before holding it out to Stefan.

"It's your brother."

He freezes, but then grabs the phone and stares at it before pressing 'ignore'. Ouch. I didn't push it, because anytime I did, Stefan practically shut down on me. I think it has a lot to do with Stefan not wanting to go to school, which was another topic we didn't broach.

That's okay, though. We have time.

"I'm not sex obsessed," I point out, staring at the ceiling. I hear Stefan rumbling around in the closet but didn't look at him.

"Yes you are. You're always trying to kiss me. I may have to write out another speech. How can I be a gentleman with you acting like this?"

"All you have to do is kiss me," I say with a smile, "I never asked you to be a gentleman, either."

"Stop flirting with me!"

* * *

"No way in hell."

Stefan sighs and rolls his eyes before running over to the sign.

_Blackgum Campground_

"I'm not a happy camper right now."

He stares at me and breaks out into a wide grin. "I get it. That was funny. This is my greatest ever pastime. You'll love it." He adjusts his backpack and happily begins pulling out things I did not know he bought. So this is why we went shopping. That little liar. We left the bike at the hotel, and Stefan called a cab to drive us off in the middle of nowhere. If only I had only known...

I stomp over to him and place my hands firmly on my hips. "It's not like I haven't gone camping before, I have. I hate it."

The wind blew and I pushed my hair back, glaring at the sun. Why. I could appreciate nature like I appreciate animals. From a distance.

He frowns. "If you really don't want to do this, we can do something else. I just wanted to share something I loved with you, that's all."

I felt really guilty all of a sudden. He had been really excited about this since we got here. The selfish part of me wants to tell him that I _do _hate camping and would love to go. Then I also remember what Stefan told me about experiences and how people should take part in any experience they can. Even when it's crazy.

I hate when he's right.

"I can do this," I lie. He smiles big and grabs onto my hand. I smile at that and he pulls me along.

"This would be the perfect time to have your camera, Bambi. Damon and I used to go camping all the time when we were young. My mom hated it just like you do, but she would always sit in the tent and watch all the scenery. I used to make fun of her for that."

He stops talking, but a sad smile graces his face. We continue walking, mud and all. Stefan pulled out his tent and gave it to me earlier, so I was feeling pretty used. He held onto the two bags, but it didn't stop him from pointing at all the green.

It was like the aquarium times a thousand.

"You know, some of these berries we can eat."

No. "We brought food, Stefan. We don't need berries."

He frowns and we continue trudging through the disgustiness, me wishing I was in a hotel room instead. As we walk the sky starts turning colors and I groan, trying to mask my fear. I don't if I could make it when it gets dark.

Soon, we reach the campsite, and it's so cute. There are flowers everywhere, and it's a nice clearing. Stefan drops his bag in the clearing and grins. He turns around in circles before facing me.

"Look."

"I know," I tell him with a soft grin. He opens up his bag and I plop the tent down in the center of the clearing. He rummages through the things, making sure everything is in there before going to set up the tent. I kneel down on the grass—thankful it wasn't wet—and then pull one of the cookie bags out of his bag to eat. I sit back and enjoy the show of Stefan and his co-star, muscles. He bends over to plant the nails down, his shirt raising up, revealing a silver of tan skin and abs. I almost melt. His arms strain as he pulls the material over one of the nails, and I hear him grunt as he ties it. I swear he's doing this on purpose.

He brings his hands down on his shirt to wipe them off and begins to work on the other nail. "I can feel you looking at me. Cut it out."

"No."

He ignores me and talks about something completely different. "What's the one thing in the world you want to do, but no one else knows about?"

I furrow my eyebrows, staring at his ass. "Why?"

"I want to know."

"It wouldn't hold the same meaning then, would it?" He laughs and shakes his head.

"Fine, Bambi. I'll go first. I would really want to adopt a kid someday. I don't care about blood, because that doesn't mean anything. I want to adopt a kid, and then give it the life that everyone deserves. I'd do it right now. With you."

I want to throw these cookies at him for saying that to me when that has to be some violation of one of his stupid rules. Instead, I swoon, touched that he would ever want to share that with me.

I smile, "That's really nice."

"I don't want to do it to be nice. Stop avoiding the question."

"Fine," I look down at my feet and munch on another cookie. "It isn't as great as yours. But I'd like to get a tattoo someday."

He freezes and then turns to me, eyes wide. "Really?"

"Yeah."

He slowly starts to smile and then nods. "Yeah, I could see that."

"Okay, my turn. Why don't you want to go to school?"

He stares at me a beat and then goes back to working on the tent. "You just dive right in, don't you?"

"Why don't you want to go to school," I ask him again.

He sighs and I can picture him pouting, "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

I glare at him. "We already talked about what we want, Stefan. Just tell me."

"I just don't like school, okay? I never did. I don't like the people, and I don't like people telling me that I have to know how to find 'x' in order to be smart. I don't take direction well, and school isn't my future."

"It could be," I point out.

"It could be, but it isn't. It's your future, Elena. I know that. It isn't mine. Can we please drop it?"

I drop it and pick at the grass. "My turn," he mumbles. "What's the one thing you won't let anyone take from you?"

"My flat iron," I say effortlessly, bringing my hand in the bag again. What a materialistic answer. Stefan guffaws as I munch on my cookies. "What about you?"

He stops and then pulls the last part of the tent up. "I wouldn't let anyone take away my right to choose."

"Good answer," I mutter, ashamed at my flat iron joke. I pull at my pony tail as Stefan walks over to me. "What's one thing your dying to do right now?"

"Kiss you," he says instantly. I peer up at him, and his eyes are filled with mirth.

"I hate you."

He ignores me. "Why did you get on my bike with me that day?"

I think about it, because I have thought about it often. "I knew I could trust you. I knew you'd respect me, and just instinct. I didn't want to get on at first. Despite what you may think, I don't have a bad boy fetish. It's just my luck you turned out to be a giant teddy bear."

He looks down shyly, "Yeah, only with you. Don't tell anyone."

I giggle, "Your secret is safe with me."

He leans over me and grabs the other bag. He pulls out some blankets and pillows and a candle with a lighter. "Since it's getting dark, I thought I'd just put this stuff away. We have tonight and tomorrow, then we can leave. I promise." He walks over to the tent and throws the stuff in as I look through the rest of the bag.

There was bug repellent, some things to start a fire, and a couple of portable pots and pans. I was actually pretty excited to see how this would be.

As long as a bear didn't kill us.

I slip off my shoes and tuck them into the bag. I keep my socks on, and I'm super glad I wore stretchy pants instead of jeans. My t shirt was okay to sleep in, and my bra would have to be on because Stefan would not sleep with me otherwise.

I zip up my hoodie and find Stefan laying in the tent, hands behind his head. His eyes were a little droopy, but he smiled anyway.

"How did I know you were going to be sleeping?"

"I'm not sleep," he grunts, turning on his side. I knew he was tired, so I walked out the tent and grabbed both the bags. I hurried back toward the tent, a little afraid of being alone out there, and stepped inside, dropping our bags to the floor and zipping up the compartment.

Stefan opened one eye. "What are you doing?"

"We're taking a nap."

He didn't argue, but one of his hands found mine and he held it there until I could hear his even breathing. I pulled out one of the blankets and laid down beside Stefan, awkwardly pulling my hand from his.

God, it's scary out here.

Birds chirped in the distance, and I cuddled further into Stefan, trying not to think. I was pretty tired myself, after all.

Stefan's arms encased me, and I was immediately overcome with security. I closed my eyes, pulling him as close as possible to me before I drifted into sleep.

* * *

When I woke up, I was extremely disoriented. I open my eyes to see Stefan's staring straight at me. Maybe it's the full moon, but they are more attractive than ever. I smile softly, tucking myself further into his warmth. He sighs and smiles.

"Hi," he whispers in the darkness.

I laugh. "Hey."

He pulls at my hips until I'm practically laying on top of him. We were breaking a lot of rules. I really like that. I put my head in the nook of his neck, breathing him in.

He still smells so good.

"Stop sniffing me," he laughs, his body vibrating beneath me. I grin and shrug.

"I can't help it."

I feel his breath on my neck, and I'm so caught up in him that I close my eyes, barely breathing. I feel his lips, slow and tentative on my neck. He trails his butterfly kisses up and down the column of my neck, and I let him.

I feel him grin as I shudder at his gentle touch. I pull away from him, tilting my head slightly up. I can see his outline in the darkness, and I trace his face with my hands. I lean back down, bringing my forehead to his, his mouth centimeters away from mine.

"You're breaking your own rules, Stefan."

"Rules are meant to be broken."

**I'm so disappointed in them. They barely lasted a whole chapter. Anyway, I'm sorry this wasn't out earlier, but I extended it a bit and I have classes. If I don't update once a week, come find me and kick my ass. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Grab

**I want to have my own Stefan. That's why I make this one so sweet.**

Chapter 8: Grab

This kiss was nothing like our first kiss. It wasn't naïve and innocent, it was fierce and knowing. The shock had worn off of how good his lips felt on mine. This kiss was all about enjoying it and feeling it. When I felt his tongue run across my lips, I quickly opened for him, only a little surprised but knowing what this all meant now. He was in. All in. The position wasn't the most comfortable in the world, but the way I straddled him made me feel infinitely closer to him. I ran my hands over his biceps, loving how I could feel his muscle tense when he held tighter to my hips. I knew I had to breathe eventually, but right now, not breathing was okay with me.

His lips trailed down my neck, and he—ever the gentleman—flipped us over so my back rested against the tent floor, cocooned in the blankets. I kept my eyes closed shut, but moved my hands to his hair, keeping him close, even when his kisses slowed.

I let out a groan. "You're going to stop?" He chuckled and hummed against my neck, still burrowed in tightly. We held on to each other for a good minute, until he finally pulled his head up to stare at me. It was still so dark outside, and so I tried not to think about what could be lurking outside, and instead on his face.

"It wasn't supposed to be like that," he said in a sad tone. He dropped his head back into my shoulder in sighed.

"What are you talking about?"

"I wanted to really kiss you when we both figured our own shit out. You're too damn beautiful when you wake up," he mumbles into my neck. I always thought when girls talked about 'butterflies' in their stomach, they were being dramatic. I was wrong.

"I thought it was pretty perfect."

"I think you're pretty perfect."

I give him a grateful kiss on his cheek which quickly turns into him rolling over onto his side and pulling me close. I kiss him again on his lovely biceps and hold onto his forearms.

"What does this mean for your rules?" I ask him, biting on my lip. He sighs and shrugs.

"We obviously don't have the will power for any rules," he states in defeat, sneaking a hand around my waist. I smile at the warmth and lean into his touch. "We'll just let things happen. But I mean it, no putting a label on things and freaking about it. No over thinking it." I scoff at his pointed tone. I don't over think anything. "We'll just be _us_, but we have to put ourselves first. You need to work on your self-discovery deal and I," he swallows, "I need to work on _me._"

I turn around in his arms and bring my hand up to cradle his face, running my fingers up and down softly. "What about you?"

"Don't worry about me, Bambi. I'm okay. It's just that sometimes we do things we shouldn't for stupid reasons, and you have to deal with the consequences. I have to deal with some consequences."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Stefan, you shouldn't be punishing yourself for anything that you've done in the past. You're not some bad guy. When I first saw you, I was a little intimidated and wary of you, sure. But just one bike ride with you tells me that you have the greatest heart, ever. Don't worry about the consequences, just move on." I wanted to add "with me" but I remembered what he said about over thinking this.

Instead of firing back at me, he just nods against my head. "I'll try. I am trying." The kiss he leaves on my shoulder lets me know he appreciates my words more than anything.

"What happened to you, Stefan?" I blurt out, almost ashamed at my forwardness. Stefan awkwardly twists his body around and faces the roof of the tent. I think I really pissed him off, because he just looks in the same spot for a really long time.

Then he speaks in a cautious, detached voice I've never heard him use before. It's exhausted and tired, but willing. "I don't know why I missed him so much." I hear an audible gulp before he exhales. "He was a shit father, and a shit husband." The anger in his tone surprises me, and I recoil for a moment.

When he starts speaking again, he's much calmer, reminiscent almost. "She was good. She was happy and strong and the most admirable woman I'd ever met. I have to assume that there was something good about him once, because she loved him so much. Sometimes I saw the good. Sometimes."

I place my hand on his arm, and leave it there for him to grab on his own. "My father never hit me _before_, Elena. Sometimes though, I wish he did. I wish he hit both of us, so that he didn't have to say all those things to us. Damon had things so easy. He could leave to college and never look back. He was older and luckier. I had to watch everything unravel one argument at a time."

Pulling in a shaky breath, I feel him turn his head toward me. "Is it bad that I started to hate her too? She never left him or defended me until he hit me. Is it wrong that I was angry?" He looked at me expectantly as I traced small patterns on his arm. I could barely contain my own anger at the parents I'd never even met.

I couldn't tell if he was really asking me or not, or whether he didn't want me to actually answer, but I whispered, "No."

He shakes his head quickly, as if to rid his head of those thoughts. His voice wavers but then returns to its soothing tone. "I got involved with some bad people and I did a lot of bad things. I tried to rectify it and I tried to go back to school. Damon was really adamant about me getting my life back on track, but everyone had already locked in their answers on who I was. I couldn't change. He kind of gave up on me too."

I tried to understand but I couldn't. I lost my parents and was extremely sad. That was the brute of it. I had no idea what it was like to be in Stefan Salvatore's shoes. That's why I couldn't write a valedictorian speech to my peers; that's why Stefan _should_ be the one to write it. From the look in his eyes you know that he's been through a lot. He has advice on the real world, what people are going to face when they get older. He can tell them to not give up because he hasn't. I was average. Nothing was wrong with me. I'm just a girl who lost my own parents and now is lucky enough to live with my aunt. I had friends to fall back on, a life to continue living. I got good grades and made my mark.

He has nothing.

Except for me. And if he thinks for a second that when we get back home I'm going to leave him, he's dead wrong.

* * *

"You forgot the forks."

"I did not. Check the bag again."

"I already did, Stefan. Twice."

He pouts and pulls at the hot dog that has been burnt to a crisp. He lays it down on a bun and hands it to me and begins starting the other one. "I guess we don't get to eat any salad today. I make a mean salad."

I scoff and grab the yummy hotdog, pouring packets of mustard and ketchup on top. I sit down on the log beside him and take a bite. As I chew, I feel Stefan's gaze on me. "A little crispy," I note, gulping it down, "Not as good as the sausage either. It's edible, though."

He seems very content with my review, because he pulls out three more hot dogs to burn. "Are you warm enough?"

"Yes," I say, snuggling further into his jacket he gave me. Accepting a jacket from a guy is a one way ticket into heaven. Not only do you get their jacket, but you also get the courtesy—mostly in Stefan's case—to ogle his god sent arms.

I lean over and give him a closed-mouth kiss on his lips, and he hums happily before moving away. "What was that for?"

"Just because I can," I tell him honestly, "I feel very deprived."

His eyes light up and he seems to forget his precious hot dog that's cooking, because he turns his body to face mine and attacks my neck. "You don't need to feel deprived any longer, Bambi." The hotdog slides off the stick and falls into the flames, them licking at it viciously. I laugh and push him away.

"Stefan, the hot dog!"

He turns around quickly and then stares sullenly at his empty stick. "Damn. We lost one."

I give him a strong pat on his shoulder, and he reloads the stick. "I was thinking we could do something fun today. Like go down to the lake," he says twirling his stick in the fire. I try not to cringe at the idea and decide to lie instead.

"Great."

"Mhm. You'll love it. I wish I could take you fishing. Maybe next time." I grimace but inside I'm fluttering at the possibility of a 'next time'. 'Next time' meant more time with just me and Stefan together alone and that was becoming a favorite hobby of mine.

"Great."

"You could pretend to be more enthusiastic about this. Please tell me you don't want to be an actress or something."

I gape. "I'm a good liar."

"No you aren't, Bambi."

"Yes I am. Lets play two truths and a lie." He shrugs and motions for me to start. "Okay, I'm allergic to chocolate, I have my books organized alphabetically at home, and I flew to Europe last summer."

He laughs and I scowl at him. "This is too easy." He removes his hot dog from the stick and places it on his bun. "Alright, you have not been to Europe. I don't even think you've ever been out of Lewiston. But you also are not allergic to chocolate. And because your eye twitched when you said both, I think that you did two lies and a truth to confuse me. Nice try. My turn."

I pout and glare at the ground. "Okay, my favorite color is blue, I've never seen any Harry Potter movies, and I think you are the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

I slowly start to grin, "Well, blue is a common favorite color, and you obviously think I'm very pretty, so the lie is the Harry Potter thing. Which makes sense, because how could you not see a Harry Potter film?"

"Nice try," he deadpans. My eyes widen.

"I was wrong?"

"Yes, I've never watched a Harry Potter Movie. I have read the first book. And my favorite color is blue."

So, that means the lie was...I gasp. "You dick." He laughs and laughs, pointing his stupid finger right in my face.

"Stop laughing, asshole."

He doesn't listen to me, so I knock that hotdog out his arm. He immediately stops laughing but begins to whine. "I was just kidding, Elena!"

This time I laugh and appreciate his ass as he bends over to pick up his tainted food. While he's bent over, I reach over to pinch said ass, and he immediately stands up with a yelp. I keep giggling when he turns his head over to glare at me. His glare quickly turns into a sly smile when he throws his hot dog back to the ground.

"Fine. My turn now. Turn around."

I laugh harder. "No way, buddy."

He scowls playfully. "Come on, turn around or I'll make you."

"Don't you dare."

He walks over to me and lifts me into his arms, laughing as I squirm. "Let go of me Stefan," I tell him, pounding on his chest. He flips me over so my body is lying over his shoulder and my face is right in his ass.

I hit it and pinch it as hard as I can. "Be careful, Bambi. I might like that."

I can't help but laugh and notice us walking further away from our fire. "Just pinch me already!"

"I've got a new punishment. We're going to the lake."

"Before you two lovebirds head out, do you mind telling me what the hell you think you're doing?" I hold tighter onto Stefan as he freezes, in fear of him dropping me. I don't have to look over to know who that is. It's the same voice that used to yell at Bonnie and I for texting in class. It was the same voice who Bonnie used to practically cream herself over. I tilt my body any way to see him standing there, his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised. I could smell his anger.

Seeing teachers out of school is definitely awkward.

**I'm thinking about giving you guys an extra chapter as a Valentines Day gift. Thanks for taking the time to review every update. I love hearing what you guys think!**


	9. Hold

**If you don't read my other WIP Ca****ll Me Dad****dy, then here's a shorter AN: T****he updates that are scheduled every week are going to have to be cut down a bit. For the next month the chapters for this and CMD may be few and far between. You can follow me on twitter at ezonthewriting for follow ups and what not until my posting goes back to normal. This will definitely ensure a lot less mistakes in writing, longer chapters, and just a better story overall. **

**Thank you for being patient!  
**

* * *

Chapter 9: Hold

Mortified, I crawl down from Stefan's body, and he doesn't object this time. I don't meet Mr. Salvatore's eyes as I move my body behind Stefan's so he's in front of me. There were so many questions I wanted to ask. The first one being, of course, how the hell did he find us in the middle of what I thought was nowhere? I looked across the tent we had set up to the edge of the forest where the shrubbery was all overgrown and shadowing over any and all signs of the outside world. When I turn my gaze back to the situation at hand, my hands start to wring on their own accord.

Whatever fear that had caused Stefan to tense up as he did was quickly forgotten, but he still reached his hand behind him to grab mine. "What are _you _doing here?" I held his hand just as tightly as he held mine, feeling our outsider's gaze watch our entwined hands.

"I asked you first," Mr. Salvatore spoke again. _Damon_ spoke again? I don't know what the protocol for titles was with him, but since he won't hear me, I'll call him Damon.

Damon eyed us both warily, and when I finally looked at him, he squinted his bright blue eyes and bulged them open, raising his eyebrows with him. He faced Stefan, and in some sort of brother telepathy, I'm guessing, Damon relented.

"I tracked your credit card."

Stefan let out a gust of air I didn't even realize he'd been holding and then tightened his hold on my hand. "Still doesn't explain what you're doing here."

"You flaked out on school. You decide to jump on your motorcycle with one of my students, a good one at that, and run away?" He seemed so appalled at the notion, like we were offending him. I fixed an icy glare at his unaware form as he paced slowly around us.

"I was being honorable. I was doing what she wanted."

"There's nothing honorable from running away from your _problems_. It'd be best not to take down Miss Gilbert with your own_ issues_." His exaggerations of the words made my blood heat up and I could feel my face forming an annoyed scowl.

I've never been angry with a teacher before. I guess it didn't really count because Damon wasn't Mr. Salvatore right now, but I was pissed. I don't know how I expected him to react, but to make Stefan feel bad for something I wanted to do was not one of the ways I'd pictured.

Instead of standing behind like a frightened child, I took a tentative step forward, never letting my hand move from Stefan's. "I wanted to go. It was my choice," I say sternly, trying to meet his gaze. He ignores me though and was only fixating on Stefan.

"A stupid choice," he concedes. He steps back and looks around at our campsite with obvious distaste. "You didn't stay in the same place for long, but when you stopped here, I knew Stefan would take you camping because this is exactly the place that our parents took us."

I could feel Stefan getting angry. Angrier than I was. "Damon, why are you here?"

"I can't make you come home. I can, however, tell you. There's no harm in trying, right? So I'm telling you."

"No," I tell him, partly in fear and partly in defiance. I squeeze Stefan's hand as hard as I can, and he strokes the palm of mine to relax me.

Damon looks at me for a long moment before he looks at Stefan. "You're ruining her life."

Stefan's hand falters his motions. "No he's not. He's saving it. You don't know anything," I spit out, venom pouring from my tongue.

Damon puts his hands up in defense and smiles the first smile he's given us since he got here, but isn't sincere in the slightest. He lowers them just as quickly and then focuses in on me. We stare at each other for a long moment before he places his index finger to his bottom lip, humming. "This sounds so beautiful on paper, doesn't it?" I frown, but keep my resolve. "Running away with a lover sounds like a good time. I'd do it." He folds his arms across his chest and then looks from me to Stefan. It made me uncomfortable how he looked at the two of us, almost like he was jealous. It was like he was _envious_ of the two of us. "Not even a month ago, Miss Gilbert, what did we study? Do you remember?"

The words flow from his mouth effortlessly, slowly teasing and taunting the air and me. With his eyes to the ground, he lowers his foot to a rock in the dirt and kicks it, almost reminiscent. "Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet, to be exact. Their plan sounded beautiful on paper," he says again, "but the ending was ill fated. For both of them. Keep that in mind."

He turns to Stefan with a grin but his words are vicious and cut through any and all progress that has been made so far in our relationship. "Any respect that I have for you, any respect that our parents would have had for you will be gone the moment you decide to keep doing what you're doing. And years from now when she realizes what you actually did," he looks pointedly at me, "all the respect she may have had for you will vanish too." With one of his hands, he clasps Stefan's shoulder, almost like a proud older brother would do to an accomplished younger brother.

He steps back until he's at the edge of the campsite. With a sardonic smile, he waves his hand at us. "Have fun."

* * *

My head laid against Stefan's shoulder as we held each other. "I hate him. I hate him for making you think things like that."

Stefan chuckles and holds my head closer. "Damon isn't a bad guy. He wasn't born a cynic, he was made a cynic."

Annoyed with his excuses for him, I close my eyes and push myself closer. "You know, you shouldn't defend him." I sigh into him, not at all complacent with this trip. If it weren't enough for the whole aspect of camping on it's own, Damon crashing our tent time was a definite tip of the iceberg. After we'd settled down from the shock, we'd decided lake-watching was the perfect get away from our unwelcome visit. Even though the site was beautiful and Stefan's arms around me were incredible, I couldn't shake the inner fury I'd held for my stupid teacher.

Every bone in my body wanted to run to him and punch him in his stupid face for all the trouble and setbacks he caused. It's no wonder Stefan's self esteem is so low.

"He's my brother. If he had no redeemable qualities, I'd let you know," he tells me in my ear, his voice smooth and soft.

"Like what?"

He mulls it over for a hot second and then sighs. "Well, he's really smart and strategic. He has a very logical mind. If nothing coordinates or matches logically, then it just cannot be. He's very 'yes' 'no'. There are absolutely no gray areas."

I snort and scowl out at the water. "Those are redeemable qualities?" Stefan rubs my hand and snickers at my tone. I feel him shake his head as he leaves a kiss on my cheek.

"Yes. When we were younger, it was much more reserved. There was really only one person who he had gray areas about?"

I furrow my eyebrows and turn in his arms. "Who?"

"Katherine Pierce." He says the name with a trail of sadness and nostalgia, but also snorts in a comical disbelief. "She was training to be a police officer, and they'd met through a mutual friend. Damon wasn't himself around her. He was much more passionate and not so contained and rigid. I remember wishing she would come over all the time to get Damon to smile when I pissed him off."

I giggle at that and reach one of my hands up to trace the side of Stefan's jaw. He hums in contentment and continues his story. "Katherine was smart, and extremely open minded. I think it drove Damon wild. So wild, he ended up proposing."

I gasp. "He was married?"

"He was engaged. She didn't make it to the wedding."

Silence hangs in the air for awhile, and I cringe. I thought back to the envy that laid in Damon's eyes as he watched the two of us together, how he hung on to every movement I made around Stefan. He missed it, I think. I also think he wanted that again for himself. You know, being with someone? He lost his parents and his fiance. If there's anything I'd learned about loss, it's that it can easily be eased by the presence of other people.

Stefan starts up again like he never stopped. "Brain hemorrhage. Damon reverted back to how he used to be multiplied by a thousand. Every person he'd loved, he'd lost. Except me. We always had each other. Never really took advantage of that, though." He mumbles the last part mostly to himself and tightens his arms around me. I turn my body the rest of the way, so my eyes meet his, my forehead nudging his carefully.

"And now," I start, laying a kiss on the side of his mouth, "you have me."

His eyes brighten up and he smiles so wide I think his face might break off. Pushing his lips to mine, I feel the outline of his mouth and teeth and I begin to laugh. "Why are you laughing when I'm kissing you?" Offended, he pulls his lips from mine.

"I'm happy," I say. Which is very true. "Plus, you're smiling."

"I'm happy," he repeats, affirmatively. Pulling me back for one more kiss.

"It's like I'm kissing a jack o' lantern."

When he's officially satisfied with my kiss, he trails his lips from my mouth to my cheek and behind my ear. I shiver at his touch, but smile all the same.

"Hey, Stefan?"

"Hmm?"

"When you saw me, for the first time, what did you think?" He tenses behind me and I try to gauge his reaction. His face contorts from cautiousness to amusement.

"I didn't pine Elena. We've been over this." I snort, in a very unladylike way, mind you, before pinching his arm. He flinches and glares at me.

"No, I mean what did you think. You had to have had a first impression. So what?"

Hesitantly, he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear and sighs. "I thought you were pretty." I raise an eyebrow and his shoulders sink. "I didn't know you, Elena. You were just there. I mean, you were pretty but you were just like every other girl in school. You were unattainable and I was disinterested." He shamefully drops his head to my shoulder, and though my heart plummets at his words, I still smile.

"That's okay."

He peeks his head up, one eye squinting and one eye open wide. I grin at his boyish features, trying not to kiss him again. "Really?"

"Yeah."

He still looks wary. I continue. "Why would that bother me? I mean, I didn't fall for you at first sight either, you know?"

He chuckles. "Well, I know that. I'm stupid, though. I shouldn't have thought that. I should've seen what I saw in the parking lot every time I saw you. I was blind." I let his words sink in, nodding thoughtfully. Yes, I joked that he didn't pine over me, but secretly I loved it. I loved that none of us suffered any more than we needed to. I love how we ended up together and how we grew to care about each other in beautiful ways not tainted by that rotten town. I don't regret any of it, and definitely not him. Stefan brought out a part of me that I thought died. It was a part of me that smiled a little more and laughed a little more every day. It was a part of me that ignited any time I was with him or held by him or even thinking about him.

I'd been with boys before and I've cared deeply about them. I'd kissed them, hugged them, touched them to the same degree I had with Stefan... But with him it felt different. It felt stronger and safer and...right. I felt stronger with him. And now, now that I'd experienced this luxury of a world of just the two of us, I could pertinaciously declare that I could not live without him. At least not the life I would want to live.

_Love_. Was I in love with Stefan? Maybe. Maybe I could one day, or maybe I could tomorrow. I don't think you should love so fast and carelessly, but there has to be a way or word to differentiate Stefan from those other boys.

"I can't wait to have you in Vegas," he whispers softly in my ear. I don't know if there was a double or meaning or not, and I'd worry about all that later. For now, being in a strong like with Stefan, was more than enough.


	10. Breathe

**Thanks ****for ****being ****so ****patient ****these ****last ****couple ****of ****weeks****.**

**We****'****re ****almost ****back ****to ****normal****. ****I ****promise****.**

* * *

Chapter 10: Breathe

"...Now open your hand up. No, dammit. Open it up." I did as he said, unclenching my previous fist until my palm was facing upward. He scowled at the position and adjusted it, but it looked the same to me. He pinched his forefinger and and his thumb together, placing the tip in the center of my palm before slowly pulling it up.

I stared blankly at his triumphant grin.

"Does it feel like I'm pulling a string from your hand? Does it?" I pretended to think about it, and decided it'd probably be best to just lie so he didn't repeat the process again. Like he had the past three times.

We reached Nevada yesterday, but we rented a room at Motel 6 right on the outskirts of Vegas. I was definitely looking forward to Vegas the most because, before Stefan, I really hadn't seen much except the outside of my window. According to these pamphlets I'd picked up at our pit stop, it had a ton of tourist places for us to view and make out at.

Kissing Stefan was my now favorite pastime. And, because he stopped holding back, I could tell it was quickly becoming his too. The pure adrenaline that ran through my body when he was even near me was staggering and disbelieving. Sometimes I held his hand just to make sure I wasn't dreaming and that none of this was just a figment of my imagination.

"I know you're lying," he eyes me suspiciously, "you never look me in the eye." I open my mouth to retort but he places a hand up to silence me. "Not a big deal. Anyway, I was wondering if you've ever been surfing?"

Familiar with his mood swings, I answer as if he hadn't just switched the subject so abruptly. "Nope, can't say that I have."

"Hm. That's depressing. Well, there's a beach in Vegas that's man made. I thought that maybe we'd do that in California, but I have a completely different idea for that." He bites down on his lip and I resist the urge to kiss him. Looking between his Mandalay Bay pamphlet and myself, he tilts his head. "Have you ever considered getting a floppy beach hat?"

I smiled at his good mood, but ignored him and flopped my back down on the bed. Stefan follows my lead and lands beside me. I turn on my side so we're facing each other, sighing when his hand finds the silver of exposed skin on my waist. Tentatively, he rubs soft circles on my side. I feel myself relaxing into his touch, welcoming it.

His tone softens when he speaks in a voice reserved only for me. "Do you-" he clears his throat. "Do you think we would have ended up like this if...if we hadn't talked that day?"

I frown at the question, thinking we were done with this whole line of questioning. Though, if anything I've learned about Stefan in our time spent together, it was that he was as confident on the outside as he was insecure on the inside. I decide to answer his question honestly.

"Maybe. I don't know. People say there's fate, but there's no proof, you know? It could be coincidence."

For some strange reason, my response makes him laugh. His nose crinkles up and he shakes his head. "Not coincidence. It's so fate. I don't think that I could live the rest of my life not knowing who you are. Not possible."

His nose skims the side of my neck precariously, but when he sees my acceptance, he turns his wary brushes into purposeful butterfly kisses that leave me stunned. He moves us so that he lays over me, putting most of his weight on his forearms on either side of me. Sick of my neck getting all of the attention, I pull his head up to my lips, kissing him until I feel drunk. He smiles at my eagerness, but the only thing I can feel is Stefan. No one could touch me like he does, or make me feel as strong or as beautiful as he does. There's no one I'd rather be attached to emotionally, or intimately than him, and I knew that would never change, no matter what happened when we got home.

Wanting him to know what I need, my hands stroll from his shoulders to his chest, feeling the taut muscle teasing me beneath his shirt. I reach the end of it, playing with the end, and teasing his abdominals. He lets out a little grunt which makes me smile.

Suddenly, his hands freeze and he detaches himself from my body. I pout, to which he merely shakes his head and reaches in his back pocket. I feel a lot better knowing that we stopped because of a phone call and not a stupid rule.

He answers it immediately, not checking the I.D. I guess this meant we had nothing to hide from anymore, and that made me very happy.

He pauses to let whoever is speaking on the phone talk. His face crumbles for a moment, but then his mouth hangs open. He's openly flustered an even moves from straddling me like he's afraid someone is watching us.

"No," he says, his voice cracking, "no, she's right here. You can speak to her. No, I'm not trying to get rid of you. I respect you." I grin, figuring he's talking to Jenna. She always hassled any guy who even breathed on me.

"Yes ma'am," he ends abruptly. His hand shoots out and he thrusts the phone to my chest like it's poison. "It's for you."

I continue to snicker until I bring the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I ask happily. It isn't Jenna's happy tone greeting me, however.

"If there were any metaphorical symbol of our friendship, I'd throw it in the ocean right now."

"Bonnie, I miss you so much."

She scoffs, and I can almost see her rolling her eyes. "No you don't. I know that, because I wouldn't miss _you_if _I_ were shacking up with Stefan Salvatore."

I desperately wanted to tell her we weren't shacking up, but I think Stefan would start having heart palpitations if I did. He curiously glanced at me every five seconds, almost like he thought a bomb was going to go off.

"How's life?"

"Boring," she gushes out. "There's been only three good things to come out of you leaving." I hear her bed creak as she continues. "One, Mr. Salvatore hasn't yelled at me for talking in class, so I'm on his good list now. First, I wanted him to fuck the bad out of me, now, I'm hoping he'll give me a reward."

I see Stefan cringe.

"The man needs a good lay. Anyway, second, Caroline has been _forced_to speak to me in English. Ms. Ban kicked her out of the class for calling her a _punta__, _and Caroline took advantage of her human rights and sat outside her class with a poster demonstrating how creatively she could use the language."

I laughed, relishing in the dose of reality Bonnie gave me. The outside world still existed. Life was still happening. This is all real.

"And finally, you left your hair curler here. Thank you. Now, where are you guys?"

"Stefan and I?" The man in question flinched when I said his name. I snorted and he petulantly glared at me. "Nevada. We're going to Vegas."

She let out a squeal that was extremely Bonnie-esque. "That sounds fun. So tell me how the sex is. I want length and girth."

I felt blood rush to my cheeks as she spoke. Never one to sugar coat anything, I should've expected Bonnie's crass language and sexual questions. Stefan studied me with a grin as he watched me struggle. He raised an eyebrow and I vehemently shook my head.

"I can't tell you that."

"Why the hell not?" She asks loudly. "Have you not done it? Say the word and I'll tell him to drop his pants right now." I chuckle, knowing just how persuasive Bonnie could be, and flick my hair I over my shoulder anxiously.

Stefan sits, crisscross applesauce, the same grin etched across his face. I scowl. "Bonnie, can we not?" She giggles.

"Whatever you say, but in all seriousness, how have you not? I mean, is he gay?"

I bite down on my lip to keep from laughing at Stefan's defiant expression. It was obvious he was hearing very much of our conversation, but I could no longer find it in me to be embarrassed.

"No," I say in a sing song voice, "not gay."

We talk for a half an hour, mindless things to kill time. Though neither of us says it seriously, we miss each other very much. It's written all over the insults and taunts and makeup tutorials. While Caroline is my best friend, I'd like to think of Bonnie as my other half. She got me in a way that nobody else could; not even Stefan. She was the ying to my yang, the Robin to my Batman. A friendship like ours was a rarity amongst the world. I was a very lucky girl in that aspect.

"Is the hat a yes or a no?"

"Maybe," I tell Stefan, climbing onto the bike behind him. I adjust myself so I'm saddled extra close. Slipping my arms around him, I make sure my body is crushed to his. I squeeze him once when he starts the engine, just because I can. The helmets provide no way to actually kiss, so this was the next best thing.

Stefan balances us on one of his feet when the familiar vibrations begin. I hold on tighter when he releases his left hand to bring it around to my side. He squeezes my hand and I smile beneath my helmet, in a Stefan induced haze.

* * *

"I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to drink and gamble," I snide, jealousy ripping through me as Stefan took a cocky sip of his drink. I lift my water in mock cheers, rolling my eyes.

"You're underage, Bambi. Hey, want to go to the carnival?" I snatch the pamphlet from his hands, pouting. Vegas isn't much fun when you're underage. Luckily for Stefan, there were man cougars around here buying him drinks left and right. He gave me a few sips of his vodka, but told me he didn't want to spend our day drunk.

I couldn't blame the women anyway. He was still tan from our time in Georgia, which went perfectly with his eyes and white shirt that complimented his skin. He wore his cargo pants, which accented the whole outfit completely, and left him looking more like a model than a tourist.

I flip through the pages of the pamphlet, mindlessly skimming over the carnival ad. I would have liked to say no, but Stefan's hopeful eyes were killing my resolve slowly. I gaze up at him, curious.

"Have you ever even been to a carnival?" I begin walking with him which he presumes is my acceptance and grins.

"Once. My mom took Damon and I to one when we were younger, but we came home early because my father came back from a business trip." His smile becomes faint at the memory, tinges of sadness erupting in his eyes.

I lean into him, and he lays a gentle kiss on my forehead. I reach my arm around and hold onto one of his fingers as we walk. "Well, I've never been to a carnival before," I state.

He looks at me with wide eyes. "What about a circus?"

I shake my head. "My parents weren't into those types of things. We spent time together at home more so than out and about. Plus, my mom hated clowns."

He snickers, "Are you afraid of them too?"

I shudder and sigh. "Not as much as she was, but I like them to be a good distance away from me."

My feet begin to hurt about three minutes in, but Stefan demands that I suck it up. I start dragging along, the only thing keeping me happy being his hand in mine. As we continued on, I couldn't help my mind wander to all the facets of our relationship. There were so many unsaid words and unanswered questions that kept us from the one thing we both truly wanted: each other. We could avoid it, and I could run with him until the end of time, but at some point it all has to come to a head. The only thoughts that plagued my mind now was _when__. _How are we going to make this work? And if we don't, how deep is the pain going to be?

Being without Stefan was taboo to me. I didn't like to think about a circumstance in which he wasn't within reach of me anymore. That rolls around my head and brings me back to another taboo subject. Love.

I'm a firm believer in it, and if I had to choose someone to spend the rest of my life with, it'd be him. However, being a believer didn't crush the realist in me who knew that saying words that meant so much in a time span of so little could be either the best thing or the worst. That didn't mean that I couldn't feel it though. If what I feel for him is love, then everything will fall into place. It has to.

Stefan startles me when he turns to face me. "Usually, when you're this quiet, you're thinking of something very profound. What are you thinking about?"

Knowing first hand his capabilities of catching me in my lies, I try a vague truth. "Us."

He accepts the answer with a scowl. "No over thinking, remember? It was the only thing I asked, Bambi."

"I think we've established that establishing rules isn't best for us."

He nods solemnly and points to this giant ferris wheel that I was most definitely not getting on. The red atrocity looks like it will collapse in any given moment. His mouth hangs open for a hot minute before it clamps shut and he's sprinting toward the offensive machine, dragging me in tow.

He approaches a pimply boy who was a little younger than we were. How he was manning the thing was beyond me. The boy lowers his magazine when he sees us, his beady black eyes scanning us. Once he sees we're not murderers, he lifts the magazine back up.

"Excuse me, what exactly do I have to do to get on this thing?" Stefan watches the couples rotating, jealousy lacing his tone.

In a monotonous tone, the boy states, "You need a ticket." He obnoxiously chews on his gum and flips the page of his material. If I wanted to ride this thing, I'd be offended, but considering it was exactly what I _didn__'__t_want to do today, I ignored him.

Stefan's patience was wearing thin. "Where the hell do I get a ticket?"

The boy rolls his eyes-bad move-and sighs. "Tourists," he mumbles indecipherably. I narrow my eyes at him and watch as Stefan pulls out some money from his pocket.

"Hey kid, will this do it?"

"I said you have to buy a ticket," he complains. Fed up with the situation, I turn to Stefan.

"Let's go ask someone else."

Stefan ignores me and glares at the boy. "Look, man. Just tell me where to get the damn tickets, and I'll buy them. Step down from your position as head douche bag for a second and give me some respect."

Oh God.

The boy slams his magazine shut and points a thin finger in Stefan's face. "Don't talk to me like that, road scum."

Stefan's expression morphs into even deeper anger. "Look, I'd hate to knock your ass out-"

"Touch me, brute, and I will press so many charges they'll be pouring out your ass."

The situation was eerily familiar. Stefan's temper flaring, some ignorant asshole who has no idea what Stefan is capable of putting his foot in his mouth, and the growing stares of bystanders. Stefan was by no means belligerent, but he had a lot of pride, which I noticed that Damon had as well.

I placed one hand on Stefan's bicep, feeling it clench and unclench. It was kind of turning me on, but the smart Elena realized now was not the time.

Stefan opens his mouth to retaliate, but I quickly put my body between the two. In a warning tone, I called his name, but he didn't seem to hear me. The boy began to get cocky and his insults got more confident.

"Yeah, listen to your little bitch and leave."

That was the last comment that the boy could utter before Stefan's fist was covered in his blood. One left to his mouth left the boy stunned and nearly in tears. I wanted to laugh, but I had a feeling this wouldn't end well. I looked around, and for the most part, the onlookers were just eager to see a fight. Only when my eyes passed over a police officer did I jump into action.

I turn to Stefan in horror, pulling his arm. "Stefan, there's a cop!"

His body tensed at the word, and then we bolted, leaving the smart ass boy in our dust. I follow everything that Stefan does, speeding up when he does, turning back to watch the officer behind me when he does, and watching every surrounding for another cop. Stefan tugs a little more forcefully when he sees another appear, yanking me toward the entrance of an alley.

God I hoped this wasn't a dead end.

We take the sharp left into the alley, the cops on our heels. I feel myself losing my breath, but Stefan urges me to continue. He pulls me in to the right, an indentation of the wall. He holds me close, one hand on my hip, the other at his lips. I can hear the cops shuffling around, and it's almost comical. I crack a smile, and when Stefan sees it, he begins to shake his head.

One of the men curses, and they leave the alley, defeated. Stefan peeks his head out first, looking in both directions. I follow, pacing behind him as we leave the tiny section of the alley.

"That was way too close, Bambi."

I close my eyes when his hands graze my face and hum. "Carnivals are bad luck."

He snorts, resting his nose against mine. We stand for a moment, until he pulls back and my eyes flutter open. "Wanna go back to the hotel?"

I nod, slipping my hand into his. After laying a gentle kiss on his lips, we begin our walk again.

* * *

"Well, that was sufficiently uneventful."

I rest my head against his chest, breathing in his sweet scent and drawing patterns on his shirt. He rubs up and down my back, obviously trying to put me to sleep.

I didn't want to sleep.

I adjust so I'm straddling him, feeling just how much he didn't want to sleep either. He tilts his head, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Aren't you tired?"

I shake my head, pulling his lips to mine. He kisses me back, because I don't think he ever couldn't, equal fervor. When his hands begin to roam, excitement bubbles in my chest. His fingertips return to their favorite spot; right below my bellybutton.

Instead of just hanging there, they begin to shift my shirt up until it's off and onto the floor. I make quick work of his, opening one eye to see his beautifully sculpted chest.

I have to remember to go to church when we get back.

I run my hands up and down it, enjoying the vibrations of his groan in my mouth. I grip his shoulder blades, scraping them lightly with my nails. Hesitantly, experimentally, I press down against him, eliciting a moan from both of us. He practically growled in my mouth, thrusting his hips up toward me again, nibbling on my bottom lip.

I whimper when he flips us over, enjoying how he pushes against me even more roughly.

"Stefan," I moan, keeping my eyes shut when his lips trail to my neck. My response sends him into a frenzy , and he begins his thrusts, much more confidently. I can feel the tightening, a familiar and earth shattering coil in my stomach. It heightens when he licks down my chest, never stopping. I meet his thrusts, wishing the layers between us didn't exist.

I pull on his hair, toes beginning to curl. He must see the warning signs of my undoing because he moves faster, calling out my name as he does.

I grip his back, my body arching into his, both of them molding into one another like we were made for each other.

Every movement I matched until we both reached our peaks, crying out and gripping each other. I panted, as his thrusts began to get lazy, rising out his orgasm. I roll over, happy and spent.

"Ugh."

I peek open an eye to see Stefan staring down at his pants. I grin, barely awake. "Should've thought ahead," I chastise.

He rolls his eyes at me and then shakes his head. "I'm gonna take a shower."

I frown, but accept the kiss he offers anyway. He leaves another one on my forehead, softly.

"Go to sleep, Bambi."

* * *

When I wake up, Stefan's hovering over me, shaking my arms. "Bambi? Bambi? Wake up!"

I pout, ignoring his blurry figure in the darkness, before he turns on the lamp beside me, lighting up the whole room. "Ugh," I groan. He chuckles and then shakes me again.

"Put your shoes on."

I sigh, obviously not getting any more sleep, and glare at him. "Are the cops after us?"

"No."

"Then no thank you."

"Elena," he warns. I keep my body hidden under the covers, defiant. He gives me one more shake. "I just had this mind blowing epiphany, and if I don't share it, I'll combust."

I roll over and slap my hand to my face. "Really."

"Mhm."

I force the upper half of my body up, wiping at my eyes. I don't care how shitty I look right now. He's the one who asked me to get up. "What time it is," I say groggily, swinging my legs around the bed. When my feet touch the floor, I pull up and yank my sweater off the back of a chair in one fluid move.

"Do you trust me?"

I eye him suspiciously before responding. "Yes. Don't make me regret that."

It seems like we're walking forever, and he doesn't say much as we do. I figure I must be pretty invested into us considering I'm foolishly following him into the dark. I trip multiple times, but he catches me like he already knew it was going to happen. I don't ask him where we're going again, because he just gives me this look which pisses me off with my lack of sleep.

When I see a clearing, I recognize the place immediately. "Are you nuts?"

The whole carnival was lit up, so it was obvious someone had been back and unlocked everything.

I've seen sweet Stefan, nervous Stefan, intolerable Stefan, sad Stefan, cocky Stefan, jealous Stefan, and practically every other Stefan to exist except for the one that he's known for: reckless Stefan. Coming back to a place you were kicked out of was extremely reckless. Given his track record and the smile on his face, this isn't the first time he's done something this stupid.

"Don't be goody two shoes, Bambi." He waits a beat before pulling on my arm. "Come on."

He pulls me along, and I follow him because I don't really have much of a choice. The red ferris wheel stands, taunting me, as Stefan works his way behind the panels. He doesn't look like he knows what he's doing, which is even more scarier. Suddenly, he makes a triumphant grunt and motions for me to enter one of seats. I take slow steps to the basket before plopping in a seat and making sure that at least the seatbelt was on tight.

"Are your ready?" he says happily, and I let out a laugh laced with disbelief.

"Yeah."

"Okay," he says, ominously. He hits one of the buttons, and then pulls down on the red lever. Right as the ferris wheel's engine starts, he jumps in the seat next to me, pulling the seat belt over himself as well. The ridiculousness of the situation makes me laugh, and he does too, until he we get to the top.

"Stop laughing, Bambi. I have to tell you my epiphany."

Playing along, I match his serious tone, looking him straight in the eye. "What, Mr. Salvatore, is your epiphany?"

"I love you," he says simply.


	11. But You Do Not Fall

***bites lip* I had the toughest time writing this but hopefully you don't kill me.**

**To all of my lovelies in Boston: I hope none of you were too closely affected by this event, however if you were, I send my love to you and your families.**

**On a higher note.**

***sends kisses to every reviewer* you all rawk.**

**Thank you thank you Angie, you quite literally make my day everyday.**

* * *

Chapter 11: But You Do Not Fall

I sat for a moment, barely breathing.

In all of my contemplating, in all of my curiosity of love, I'd never considered that Stefan could be doing the same thing. I never imagined he'd admit it first, or that he'd look at me as expectantly as he did right now. I try so hard to think about my feelings, running them over my head until it began to pound. I wanted to tell him I loved him too, I wanted to tell him that I'd loved him since I'd met him, but more than that, I wanted to mean it.

And I didn't.

It's not that I _couldn't_love him, it's just that I'd never felt it before. How am I supposed to know that what I feel is love? How am I supposed to know that I feel for him what he feels for me, and how is he supposed to know vice versa? What kind of girl would I be if I looked him into the eye right now and told him something I wasn't sure of?

What kind of girl would I be if I said nothing at all?

I guess I was about to find out. I kept my gaze locked with his, confident and unfaltering. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. I refuse to make him feel like I don't care about him at all, because that wasn't true. His face crumbled in the silence, the only sounds being the quiet creak of the seat as it swayed in the wind. His smile began to fade until he was shaking his head.

"Stefan-"

"It's okay, Elena," he forced out. "I don't need you to say it back, I just need you to know."

My eyes soften and I pull his face to mine for a searing kiss. He kisses me back just as eagerly, one hand slowly rubbing my back in soothing circles. When we pull apart, I can see the love in his eyes and silently berate myself for not seeing it before.

I give him one final peck, hovering over his lips. "Thank you," I mutter serenely.

He chuckles at my phrase.

"Are you really thanking me? That's the most cliche response in the world." I jab his shoulder playfully, desperately wanting to elicit the smile I loved so much.

"Not thank you for saying it, thank you for meaning it and showing it by being patient with me." He shyly grins and faces away from me. Almost magnetically, I reach forward and bring his face toward mine again.

"Thank you for understanding me and loving me even though I'm a bitch."

Finally, he gives me his signature grin that makes me melt. "Not a bitch, just confused. That's okay."

We sit in silence a bit longer, our hands meeting in the center of the seat to connect us. I lay my head on his shoulder loving the comfort and safety he provides me with his touch. Right when he kisses my forehead, the seat jerks to a stop.

"Stefan?"

"Hm?"

"How are we going to get down from here?" He freezes and I shut my eyes to shove back my fear and anger.

He shifts behind me, looking down at the ground. We were up high up enough that I wouldn't dare jump, but not quite at the top yet.

Stefan doesn't share my mentality. "I could make it down probably," he says. "I could climb down and then bring the seat down for you."

My mouth falls open. "Like hell you will." He undoes his seat belt and tries to gain balance on the shaking chair. "Stefan you aren't immortal. You can't just do stupid stuff like that."

I glare at him as he laughs. "You're tired, Bambi. We can't stay up here all night. I got us up here, I'll get us down," he logically states, grabbing hold of the bar. My heart begins to race when he steps onto the top of the seat and I can feel my body shaking. All my body could register was that he could fall, and I'd rather be arrested for trespassing than watch him die.

"Stefan, get down."

He ignores me, his body becoming one with the pole. He reaches his left foot down first his whole body sliding with him and following his patterns. He continues his route through the metal, his hands gripping almost effortlessly. I could feel my palms getting sweaty when he transferred to the next seat, landing on it with a thud.

His next set of moves consisted of working backwards, he gave me a hesitant smile as he moved, each hand moving in tandem with the other. I turned around in my seat and gasped when one of his hands almost slipped.

"Stefan, just...come back up," I say, knowing my words were futile. He was only a good two seats away, and he wasn't going to stop now that he'd started.

I turned back around and lifted my hands to my head. I could feel the metal stressing and distressing beneath me, but I shut my eyes tightly. I didn't want to see anything if anything happened. He must have noticed my actions because yelled up at me.

"Calm down, Bambi. I'm okay!"

I fumed at the nonchalance lacing his tone and kept my body in the same position, ignoring his requests. What if he fell and snapped his neck? Right after I'd rejected his feelings for me? I couldn't live with myself and I would never be the same again. I'd already lost my parents. I didn't want to lose him either.

Moments pass and I feel my seat rocking forward gently. My eyes peer open and I look down at Stefan with his hand on the lever. I glare at him as he grins. When my chair grazes the floor, I jump out, stalking toward him angrily. In the same move, I shove on him and pull him close to me.

His arms automatically wrap around me and he sways us side to side but it doesn't ease my anger. "You are such a dumbass."

"Love you, Bambi."

I freeze in his arms and he chuckles. "Just because you can't say it doesn't mean that I can't."

That's when I melt. Well, I'm usually always melting around Stefan, but these moments in specific are the ones I loved most-the ones reserved only for me. When he gives me his boyish grin and his eyes light up. Or when he just holds me and tells me stupid things that I don't actually care about, but that I love hearing him say.

He kisses my cheek and grabs hold of my arm, pulling me to the gate we entered from.

"Now let's get you back to sleep. You look dead."

* * *

"You said you would teach me."

"I lied."

"You said you loved me."

"I do."

"Then teach me."

He laughs at me. "No way."

I scowl and stab at my piece of bacon, a permanent scowl etched onto my face. "Why not? I basically already know how."

"No you don't," he smiled and shook his head. "You're going to crash my bike, and we'd have no way home."

I roll my eyes. "I won't crash it. I'm not stupid." He snorts and turns his head away so he no longer faces me. Punk. "You should be nicer to me, you know? I'll never sleep with you if you keep up your antagonistic behavior."

He stands up and walks over to my side of the table, holding his arms out in front of him. I stand and let him pull me into his arms. "What were we fighting about again?"

I kiss his cheek, feeling his smile against me. "Seriously, Stefan. Teach me. I'm a great learner!"

He raises a skeptical eye but then shakes his head at me, something I notice he always does around me. "Maybe."

I pout, but it doesn't last very long. He lifts me up and I squeal as I hug him eagerly. I feel a vibrating sensation by my thigh and freeze.

"That better be your phone."

He laughs and adjusts me so he can grab the device from his jean pocket. I thrust my head into the space between his neck and head and inhale his manly Stefanly scent.

"Hello?" He asks the caller, walking toward our little hotel couch. He plops me down first and gives me a kiss on my cheek before returning his attention to whoever was calling.

"Uh..." he scratches his head carefully. "Who's speaking?"

My eyebrows furrow and I tap his shoulder to get his attention. He looks intently at the ground and holds up his index finger to silence me. The person speaks to him rather rapidly from what I could tell, which, annoyingly enough, isn't much. Stefan's eyes widen and he looks at me quickly.

He mutters something unintelligible and covers the receiver. "Hey, I'm going to take this in the kitchen real quick."

Without hearing my response which would have been negative, he pushes himself off the couch toward the kitchen. Just. Like. That.

I really shouldn't be mad. Given our circumstances and my supposed lack of emotion toward him, I'm sure there was some rule somewhere that said I couldn't be upset he wasn't sharing things with me. But I was still bitingly curious, and no amount of guilt could cover that up.

I flick the television on, scrolling through the basic cable channels when Stefan finally returns from the kitchen. I glance at him once only to see a very unusual expression on his face. He doesn't smile or say anything, the corners of his mouth curved downward in a definite frown.

I nudge his leg and his eyes flicker to mine.

"Stefan?"

The sound of my voice shakes him out of whatever funk he's in. His once glazed over eyes turn happy and clear as if nothing happened.

"Yes, Bambi?"

"Are you okay?"

He shakes his head, "Don't worry, I'm fine."

I worry. His eyebrows perk up and he turns to face me eagerly. "We're moving hotels."

I lift an eyebrow.

He continues, his expression never faltering. "Bellagio."

I gape at him as he pulls multiple elegantly scripted pamphlets from his open satchel on the table. He flips through them and drops one on my lap.

"Do we have the money for this?" I ask, half wanting to know and half not. He nods eagerly.

"Of course! I already made reservations for the next couple of days. I've always kind of wanted to see the Bellagio Fountains," he shyly utters. "It'd be nice seeing it with you."

He talks almost like he has to convince me, which he should know he doesn't have to do. I'd follow him to the ends of the earth with no questions asked. Plus, a tiny part of me wants to relish the luxury of our next destination. Maybe go clothes shopping and visit the spas. Once I was primped and pampered, there was a possibility that Stefan and I would finally consummate our relationship under the 500 thread count sheets with candles illuminating the room.

I get lost in my fantasy, even twirling my hair before I finally wake up. "Bambi?"

I grin. "I'm going to pack."

* * *

Fantasizing and living were two very different things.

Those differences were confirmed as I stared at the glorious building ahead of us. Stefan seemed indifferent to it all as he gave the valet the keys to his bike.

I felt extremely inadequate next to all the people around us until Stefan placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I let a sigh out as we walk toward the receptionist.

Stefan took the lead and gave her a confident smile. "We have reservations under the name Salvatore."

The lady drank him in an turned to her computer monitor. She obviously found what she was looking for and smiled at Stefan happily.

"Ah, Mr and Mrs Damon Salvatore." Before my shock could register on my face, I felt Stefan pinch me.

She gives us an odd look and hands us a engraved gold key. "Penthouse suite, 12th floor."

Stefan nearly drags me away from her. "What the hell are you thinking?"

He giggles, which may be the most adorable thing in the world, and hits the button for the elevator.

"Relax. We've hardly spent any money except for on gas. Most of our trips been living like hobos. We'll stay here a couple of nights, and then we'll go back to eating out of a trash can."

I roll my eyes at his exaggeration and sigh. "Did you really have to put the fees off on Damon?"

He snorts. "Damon won't be paying a dime. I just needed his name so my _wife _and I could drink a little champagne. Might loosen her up, you know?"

I blush and punch his shoulder. The elevator moves fast and a tiny ding alerts us of our stop. I rub the key between my fingers and find the according door quickly.

Room 752.

I open it with trembling hands and gasp at the beauty of it all. We didn't have to ask for champagne, because a bottle was chilling in an ice cooler by the leather couch. A beautiful bed was visible in the corner, a burgundy satin duvet laying on top. There was a flat screen across from the bed with a miniature fridge and a leather love seat beside it. Marble floors began shortly after that led to a probably impeccable bathroom.

Stefan drops my bag on the floor and rushes to the television. "Cable!"

I close my eyes for a moment and then sigh, eying the pamphlet on the coffee table full of benefits for customers.

_Spa, then sex._

_Spa, then..._

I watch Stefan hungrily.

Sex.

"You look happy."

I moan.

"How was your massage?"

I groan.

"That good, huh?"

I whimper.

His hands are splayed across my stomach as we sit on the comfortable bed. I'd never felt so relaxed in my life. I never want to move again.

Ever.

He rubs my stomach in tiny circles.

"You're always so smooth," he notes. I don't think to answer him. He twirls his body around and yanks my glass and the champagne off of the counter beside us.

I hear him pour some and I grin. "Are you trying to get me drunk? That's my 4th glass you're pouring there."

"If you get drunk off of this, I might just have to take you home."

I groan deeply. "No don't mention home." I open one eye and lean toward him, taking the glass and placing it back on the coffee table.

"Don't mention everything that I have to eventually return to and despise." I rub my hands across his shoulders. "I just want to relax and be with you."

He hums and gives me a sweet kiss, rubbing his hands up and down my back.

"You don't have to, you know. Stay there. You can finish up the year and we can do this again this summer. And then next summer. And the next."

I smile lazily at the thought. "We could, but you don't have unlimited funds and you might get sick of me always tagging along."

He begins playing with my fingers, intertwining our hands.

"I could never get sick of my Bambi." He kisses the tip of my nose. "I'll get a job. I'll even start a bank account titled, "For Bambi Only."

He kisses my lips, sufficiently distracting me. I moan when his tongue seeks for entrance in my mouth, dizzying me into a lust induced haze.

He breaks away first, leaning his forehead against mine. "I love you, Elena. I know you can't say it back, but I love you and it's the one thing in this world I'm not unsure of."

I laugh breathlessly, "Even when I make you hold my bag?"

He chuckles. "Even when you make me carry the beast."

I gaze up at him, struck by how lucky I am and how I would never find a man like Stefan as long as I live. I'd never find a man who put my needs first but understood the vitality of making decisions side by side as a single entity. No one would ever understand be like Stefan does, and I honestly don't think anyone would ever try.

Being with him was the epitome of effortless.

"Stefan?"

"Yeah?" He takes a sip of his beer and sets it beside my glass.

"You know how you love me?"

He laughs. "Yes, I do."

"Show me."

His smile fades when he realizes the intent of my statement. His gaze turns fiery as he runs his eyes over my body, seemingly trying to memorize each curve and mark.

I'm beginning to think that I've said something wrong when he leans over and brings his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. My hands meet at the nape of his neck, and I twirl the sandy hair in my hands, running my fingers through over and over.

I would never get enough of being with Stefan in any way. Feeling his body against mine was one sensation I was sure to never get used to. We were opposites, two pitches that somehow clicked in perfect harmony.

Where he was hard, I was soft. Where he was big, I was small. It worked.

His hands make quick work of the silk robe that the hotel had set out. He slips it off my shoulders and continues heated kisses down the length of my body. Emboldened, I start lifting his own gray t shirt off his toned body, hissing as his hand brushes across my breast.

When his shirt is off, I run my hands across his shoulder blades and...the arms.

The arms of all arms.

His muscles clench beneath my hands and I kiss at his tan skin, loving the taste of him.

"Are you sure?" He whispers across his spot on my stomach. His hands hover across my last clothing item precariously.

Instead of speaking, I place my hands over his and push my panties down until I'm able to kick them off with my feet. I lick my lips at the sight of Stefan above me, panting, and reach down to his boxers.

Though I'd only had one man in my little black book, I knew Stefan was not little. He was bigger than Matt, and he probably knew how to use it better, too.

I traced my hand across the outline of him, eliciting a small moan on his part while wondering how the hell he was supposed to fit inside of me.

I pull down his boxers, freeing him from his previous confines. I wrap my right hand around him and use my left to bring his lips to mine. He pants and moans in my mouth, and hell if it isn't the most sexy and erotic thing I'd ever experienced.

He stiffens and pushes my hand away. "My turn," he mutters, breathless.

His fingers trace down to where I need him most. I'm almost afraid to ask him just how many times he's done this because he's an expert.

His forefinger traces my clit before delving into me slowly and deeply. I feel my back arch off of the bed as I convulse and shiver at his touch.

"Stefan!"

I feel his smile against my skin as he plays me like an instrument. I'm so close to falling off of the edge when he pulls his hand away with a wicked grin.

"You jerk."

He laughs and moves off of the bed.

"Where are you going?" I practically whine. My God.

"To get a condom. I really don't want to be a dad right now."

I flush and turn my cheek into the soft pillow beneath me. I feel the bed dip when he returns and I straighten my body out.

Stefan adjusts the condom on and throws the wrapper somewhere on the floor. I actually consider keeping it for scrap booking purposes when I feel him at my entrance, slowly pushing in.

I hiss at the pain/pleasure feeling the action evokes in my stomach. He does his best to distract me, like kissing the hell out of me before he's fully sheathed in me.

"Holy hell," he grinds out, teeth clenched.

I pant against his neck, "Give me a second."

He waits, and the discomfort fades quickly and soon crave more. I buck my hips up and he groans, tucking his head into my neck, leaving butterfly kisses.

I'm doing it. I'm having sex with the man who loves the shit out of me and its the scariest most wonderful feeling in the world.

He strokes deep and slow, giving me time to cherish his technique and the experience all together. I feel him losing it, but I can tell he wants me to fall first.

His head lowers to my breast and he wraps his lips around my nipple, sucking hard and making me nearly scream.

The coil tightens in my belly but I need more and I shouldn't have doubted that Stefan would know how to give it to me. He rubs my clit in a tight circle with his thumb, jolts of euphoria pumping through me.

I feel him shutter and declare his love for me once more, our bodies pressing together as we fall off of the edge. Together.

I struggle to catch my breath and barely register Stefan pulling out and laying beside me.

As I breathe, I realize two things that shock and scare me.

One, what I experienced with Matt may very well not be considered sex.

Two, Stefan was the most attentive, loving person in the world, and I'd be crazy to say that I don't love him with everything that I have, even if I have no idea what that means.

* * *

"Ease on the clutch, Elena."

I scowl at his frustration and usage of my actual name.

"Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you."

I frown. "You're yelling at me."

"No I'm not. Ease up on the damn clutch. Okay. Okay, stop."

I growl and the bike strolls to a stop. He lifts the plate on my helmet and gives me a big kiss. "I love you, I'm not mad at you. But sweetheart, you need to follow my directions. Let's start again."

I do the previous instructed moves to a T, and we're moving slowly along the dirt road. Stefan grips my hips, and I know letting me ride his bike must be nerve wracking, even if he doesn't say it.

I increase the speed a little bit, and we make it to our second turn.

"Elena, decrease the clutch, increase throttle."

"What?"

"You're going to fast now!"

I panic, and my hand slides down to the right to squeeze. My hands quiver and shake and the handles turn from side to side quickly before I feel Stefan's desperately trying to cover mine.

"Elena, stop!"

I brake as I turn and the bike slants to the right , slamming us to the ground. I feel myself falling and my helmet cracking into pieces as I hit the floor.

Before I succumb to the darkness, I feel a thud behind me. I don't glance at at Stefan because I know he wasn't wearing a helmet.


	12. Cry

**Holy****bananas****! **

**Thanks ****for ****the ****love ****you ****all ****left ****me ****in ****reviews****. ****I ****adore ****reading ****it ****and ****I ****appreciate ****you ****taking ****the ****time ****to ****do ****it****!**

**This ****chapter ****was ****short****, ****but ****necessary****. ****I ****hope ****you ****like ****it****!**

* * *

"Family only."

"Please, just listen to me."

The nurse rolls her eyes and sighs. "I don't care if you're the queen of England. Only family is allowed."

I bite on my tongue and lean back on one of the metal crutches. Blinking back tears, I glare at her. "I am his only family."

"He has a brother on file."

"I don't give a shit about his brother! If he were awake right now-" I choke on a light sob,"-he would want me with him. Stefan would want me with him."

The nurse eyed me warily for a moment before leaning in. "You're very lucky, Miss Gilbert. Not only are you not dead, but you aren't ticketed for driving a motorbike without a license. Now, typically I wouldn't disclose this much, but I see you care a great deal for your friend. He isn't looking good at all."

My stomach drops as she continues. "He needs someone who can help him, and that isn't an eighteen year old girl. Do yourself a favor and call your parents to pick you up."

I could feel my blood rushing up to my face in anger. God, I hated her. She knew nothing about Stefan and I or how much we loved each other. I know Stefan would want me with him right now.

I wipe another tear from my eye because I know that crying will get me absolutely nowhere. Turning around to the hospital doors, I flick the stupid nurse off and pull out Stefan's cell phone.

I had to call somebody because the nurse was partially right. There was nothing I could do. The bike was totaled and I had no money. They didn't tell me anything about Stefan's condition except for what the nurse just told me, but I could already presume her information when I saw him being carried away on a stretcher, eyes closed.

It was morbidly funny seeing him lying there. Stefan was never that...peaceful. Even when he was asleep he would snore like a cow with a small smile on his face. He would breathe obnoxiously and his eyes would flutter all the time. But on the stretcher he looked lifeless. He looked bloody and broken and it was all my fault.

I used to think Stefan and I were the best thing for each other.

Maybe we were the worst.

I wonder what he's thinking right now and if he would hate me for what I'm about to do. But they've given me no choice and I can't suffer like this anymore.

I dial an unfamiliar sequence of digits, waiting for the cold voice to answer by biting my nails. A part of me hopes he doesn't pick up. But as of lately, I should've known hope wasn't on my side.

"Damon Salvatore."

His voices makes me rigid as I flounder for my voice. "Damon? It's me. Elena Gilbert."

Calling him by his first name felt awkward on my tongue but I didn't have time to think about that. Any of that.

"I assumed it would be. My brother isn't one for frivolous phone calls. So I guess I'll bite. Why are you calling me?"

My voice catches at his brief mention of his brother and I struggle to catch my breath. He must hear me because his voice melts into a concerned one rather quickly, which makes me begin to cry.

"Elena?"

I pant out my silent sobs and drop my head into my hand. "Damon?"

I hear a crash on the other line and I flinch before letting out another body shaking sob. "Damn it to hell, Elena. What the fuck is going on? Where is my brother?"

"I didn't mean to..I was just trying to learn how to ride the bike. I told him to wear a helmet, Damon. I would never want to hurt Stefan. You know that, don't you? I hope he knows that." My hysterical monologue leaves me dizzy and squatting on the floor.

The dead silence rings in my ear and I lightly ponder about how beautiful it is outside but how darkness looms over me.

I cry hard on the phone for the longest time. I cry for Stefan and all of the blood. I cry because of the stretcher. I cry because Stefan and I loved that bike and now it's gone. I cry because Damon loses everything and now he may lose the last thing he has. I cry because all of the 'I love yous' Stefan never got to hear. Especially from me. I cry because he does stupid things but he does them for smart reasons. I cry because he took me on a trip across the U.S. because I, a stranger, lost control of my life.

A guy who genuinely cares about people and making life matter is laying on a bed, his fate undetermined with no one there to hold his hand and tell him it will be okay. I wanted to be that one. So I cry more because he deserves those tears and someone who will love him and say it and mean it and won't crash the bike he loves. I cry for this boy because he is the greatest boy I ever met and I don't know if I'll see him again, until I have no more tears and the ones on my cheeks are stale.

It's not until my breathing evens, around 20 minutes later, that I realize Damon was crying with me.

* * *

Hours ticked by.

I sit in this burgundy chair in the waiting room across from the bitchy nurse. She gives me cautious looks every five seconds like I'm going to snap.

Maybe I will.

I've drank 2 cups of coffee, but my body doesn't want anything but Stefan.

I've devised a plan that will hurt a lot, but in the end I think that it's worth it. It's what I've been doing the whole day. The doctor tells me to elevate my foot but won't tell me what's wrong with Stefan. In turn, I disregard everything he says and focus on the inevitable aftermath.

I'll stay until Damon gets here and go inside to make sure that Stefan is alive, because if he's alive, then I'm alive. After that I'll call Jenna and go home. I've done enough damage.

I have a life to get back to, and I was stupid to believe that it would last forever. Stefan and I were not a full song. We were the favorite part you played over and over again; the only part you ever knew the lyrics to.

I'd have to accept the fact that in reality we couldn't work. He taught me how to love and appreciate life but he needs to be with someone who won't suck that out of him. I'm a disease to him, and he needs a cure. He'll never find that with me and I think he knows that. That's why he doubted us.

I get it now.

I just need to make sure I can get enrolled into a good college and move as far away as possible. I need to follow the original plan that would have happened if Stefan hadn't intervened.

I twirl his phone in my hand, refusing to give it to any of them here. They'd take it and I'd lose my only connection to him. I'll give it back when I see him.

Damon texted me an hour ago telling me that he landed in Nevada. He took the earliest flight he could but now it was all a matter of getting him across town. His tone was as indifferent as usual, but I know he must be hurting. I saw and heard that hurt.

I roll my head to the side and keep my head focused on Jenna's phone number.

_Not __yet__. _

I exit out of the phone and close my eyes, my head finding comfort against the beige colored walls.

"Elena?"

The voice was real this time, not an audio over a phone. It sent chills up my body. Not the kind I got when Stefan spoke, but the ones you got when you spoke to someone of a high authority.

I lazily open an eye to see a disheveled Damon hovering over me. My heart began to hurt as I openly looked at him. His usually light cerulean eyes were dimmed nearly black, supported by dark wrinkly bags from lack of sleep. His arms hung limply at his sides, covered in a sweat jacket and a wife beater. His hair looked as if it were tugged on with ebony cowlicks gracing his head.

I scampered to my feet, hauling the metal crutches with me, and yanked at my own hair. "He's back there. They won't let me see him. I tried to tell them that I was with him but they didn't listen to me." I looked pointedly at the nurse. "They wouldn't even call you because he's 18. Isn't that bullshit?"

He said nothing but walked toward the front desk. I followed him, a more confident stride than before. "Excuse me, but my name is Damon Salvatore and I need to see my brother."

The desperation in his voice makes me wince. I bring my arms around me so I"m holding myself.

The nurse holds her hand out for identification and once satisfied, hands him a sign in sheet. He hurriedly scrawls his name down and she buzzes a doctor down to the desk.

He walks with a shaky smile over to us. He was a good looking doctor with blonde slick hair and bright green eyes. "Mr. Salvatore. We were about to transfer your brother to his registered hospital, but we're glad you could make it. I'm Dr. Peterson and I've been attending to him."

"Me too. It's nice to meet you. How is he?"

He stutters for a moment and his eyes flicker to me. I see Damon nod, which I'm guessing was a non verbal consent for me to listen in.

Dr. Peterson sighs and scratches his jaw. "Not the best case of a motorcycle incident but certainly not the worst. He broke his left arm and fractured his left leg. We've already put a cast over it and popped both bones back into place. He's suffered a brain injury but we aren't sure how severe. Memory loss, especially short term, is probable. We'll know more when he wakes up, as right now he's comatose."

Tears prick my eyes and I feel Damon drop his head into his hands. The Doctor's voice shakes in compassion but he doesn't stop. "He lost a great deal of blood. When he landed on his left side, his shoulder blade jammed into a shard of rock. It impaled him extremely deep and he immediately passed out from pain. He rolled over and the rock slipped out but left a hole for blood to escape.

We did a blood transfusion and cleaned the wound to prevent infection successfully. We stitched him up and he's been placed in ICU, simply because we don't know the severity of his injuries."

I know I'm crying again, but I keep my mouth covered so I don't make a sound. When I look up at Damon, I see his red rimmed eyes with unshed tears.

"Is he going to be okay?" His voice cracks and I've never seen him look so vulnerable in my life. It scares me.

Dr. Peterson looks at us both carefully. "We don't know yet. We're doing the best we can."

He gives us an encouraging smile and backs away from us.

Damon and I stand, shedding silent tears for another few minutes. It feels like my feet will fall from under me. I feel him sigh beside me and wipe his eyes with the end of his shirt.

My body lunges back at the intensity of his stare when he regains his composure. I look at him, frightened, as his burning eyes scold me.

"Do you love my brother, Elena?" He asks tauntingly, quickly resuming to his evil attitude. I nod mutely but then open my mouth to verbalize it.

"More than anything."

"Then _leave_," he bites out spitefully. "Leave, and never bother him again."

My body trembles and aches all over. I nod again and reach in my back pocket because I understood. Shaking, I pull Stefan's cell phone out.

"I need to call my aunt," I tell him, clutching the phone tightly.

He leans forward and yanks it from my hands nearly toppling me over. He glares at me and lifts a finger toward the phone on the hospital wall.

"You can use that one. That's what it's for."

I stare at him blankly, the last trinket of our relationship in Damon's cold hands. My feet feel frozen and I can't move. I think it's because I know Stefan wouldn't want me to.

Suddenly, Damon leans forward the closest to me that he's ever been. "Leave!" He roars angrily, throwing the cellphone across the room. It hits the wall with a crack and falls into two pieces on the linoleum floor.

I pant out a final sob, wiping my tears. The nurse stands from the desk and watches us, but I back up quickly. I didn't want a fight.

"You don't know what love is," I tell him softly. "You don't know what it is because you've lost it so many times and now you're so bitter and cold. I feel sorry for you, Damon."

I turn on my heel and hop away on the stupid crutches holding me up. When it becomes too much, I'm practically running on my injured foot. The hospital is too stuffy and too much of who I was when I was with Stefan and I didn't need that anymore.

I wipe more sticky tears from my eyes and settle outside on the curb, shaking and clutching my foot. I rub it for a moment and then look around at all the unfamiliar places and things I've never seen and realized I didn't ever want to see anything unfamiliar or interesting without Stefan there to see it to.

I'll never get that again.

I ignore the looks of the bystanders and focus only on drawing small figures on my body to distract myself.

It's time for the plan to start. I need to get out of this place or I'll combust.

I wobble to my feet, hissing at the pain on my left. I hop onto my crutches and push myself over to the telephone.

I only had the clothes on my back and my wallet. My bag and everything else was in that hotel room and I didn't want or need any of it. I pull out my wallet from my dirty pocket and pull out two quarters.

I jam them into the slot with my thumb and dial numbers I know so well. As it rings, I tap the side of the booth, straightening out my body. The dial tone makes my heart thud and I almost reconsider until I hear her voice on the other line.

"Hello?" She asks warily.

I slip my hand onto the top of my left crutch and sigh. "Jenna?"

"Elena? Honey, is that you? Baby, what's wrong?"

Her voice almost makes me lose it again but I shake back my thoughts and try to focus again. "Jenna I'm in Vegas. I need to come home. I...I have no money. I have nowhere to go and I need to come home."

I hear her moving around on the other side of the line, worry lacing her movements. "What's wrong? Why can't Stefan take you home?"

"Because," I bite on my bottom lip. "Jenna, I want to come you please get me? Please? I need to come home."

She pauses for a moment and then speaks quickly. "Stay where you are. Where are you?"

I hobble to the edge of the curb and look up. "Ridgeview Hospital."

"Stay there, Elena. I love you, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

I nod against the phone until she isn't there anymore and even after.

I look up at the sky again and try not to think because it only hurt.

I needed to go home.

Even if I believed that my real home was in this hospital unconscious.


	13. Pass

**No****, ****Julie ****Plec****. ****My ****graduation ****comes ****first****. :****p**

**Thank ****you ****for ****all ****of ****the ****reviews****!**

* * *

I thought that when I returned to Lewiston I would feel like a changed woman. I thought that my feet would feel lighter and there would be a new bounce in my step. Furthermore, I thought that the dreary town's sun would shine a little brighter, that the sky would glow a little bluer, and that the grass would grow a little greener. And I guess that optimism sprouted from another thought: that Stefan would be coming home with me.

I had imagined us riding into town again on his Harley, love drunk. So the sinking realization that the scenario was no longer plausible had me thinking the thoughts I'd shoved away the entire plane ride home.

Jenna had been great about leaving me to my own devices. We only shared little pieces of conversation while we flew home. She gave me her typical concerned glances, but she didn't need to. I was learning to move on. I was good at that.

Some may call it avoiding, but if I knew one thing about myself, it was that my capability to push thoughts to the back of my head was both easy and effective.

My restless flight back to normalcy left me aching and brittle, but I maintained myself regardless because I knew that letting those feelings simmer in my brain would make me explode.

My thoughts on my return were so much more melodramatic than my actual one. Where the grass was supposed to be green, it lay a dark brown. The brightened sun had taken a vacation and in turn, the blue skies were dimmed deep gray.

When I arrived at school, I could feel their eyes on me. Almost like a movie, where it felt like I could see myself walking the damp streets in slow motion.

I keep my head down for the most part, because answering questions would be futile. They made up their minds about Stefan and I and everything that happened. There was nothing I could say to change that.

"You're back in town? What the hell, Elena?"

"Hola señorita!"

I raise my head and jump into the arms of my two best friends. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I feel four hands encasing me in a giant group hug.

When we pull back, they study my face for a moment. Caroline immediately frowns and grabs my right hand in her own.

"Something's eating you, Gilbert." I smile faintly at her and squeeze her hand in reassurance. Her eyes narrow and she pulls her hand away quickly.

"Fess up," Bonnie begins, leading us to the front of the building. "Where's lover boy at?"

I feel my muscles clench up and I swallow down the part of me that wants to scream. Bonnie stops and twirls me around so that my eyes meet her chocolate-brown ones.

"Does this have anything to do with Mr. Salvatore's quick getaway? What, did you two get caught fucking on private property or something?" She giggles aimlessly, patiently awaiting my answer.

I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. I can't let this get to me. I can't let every little thing get to me.

"Romances die."

"Mustn't have been that good in the sack," Bonnie chuckles with a shoulder shrug.

I think about our short time together intimately and promise myself that no matter what, it will be the best memory I will ever have.

"Yeah."

Caroline eyes me curiously, her mouth curving into a fake smile. I eye her for a moment, but then decide to ignore her. For all I know, she was just being extra crazy today.

We walk together through the school and I silently applaud the two of them for staying by my side until we make it to my locker. Bonnie even snaps at a few whispering freshman, and everyone gets the hint that she isn't messing around. The stares don't bother me much, and I quickly become accustomed to the curious looks and indiscreet mutters.

"I have to go. Calc test and I need to get a few more study minutes in. We'll talk," Bonnie says as she walks away. "Lunch!"

I smile at her as she leaves, shaking my head.

Rolling the lock in my hands, I mess around with the combination, feeling the weight of Caroline's stare on me. It's stronger than the entire schools. The tension grows thick and i wonder why, but I don't have the energy to ask. We stand in silence for a moments before she breaks it.

"I know I'm not Bonnie," she utters seriously, not a tinge of Spanish in her tone. My eyebrows furrow as I meet her sparkling blue eyes.

"I'm your best friend, but I'm not _the_best friend and I get that now. I do. But just because I do stupid things sometimes doesn't mean I'm stupid. And just because we aren't as Bonnie and you are doesn't mean that I can't see the things that she can't."

I feel the back of my eyes begin to burn and blink hard. "What are you talking about?"

"Stefan Salvatore."

My eyes narrow at her. "Stop."

"You dropped your life for him," she accuses strongly. "You just up and left."

"Drop it, Caroline."

"You-you went across _states _with him. You barely hang out with us on school nights."

I slam my locker shut. "Caroline, fucking stop."

But she continues, irritated at my words. "And when Bonnie told me how you were doing when you two talked, you sounded the happiest you've been since your parents died."

I can almost feel the shackles around my heart begin to shake. "Caroline."

We stare at each other and the unsaid words melt between us into quiet breaths and soft pants. She opens her thin pink lips to speak again, but her eyes are no longer harsh and her voice is only soft.

"People who make you feel like that, who make you feel alive, aren't dead romances, Elena. They're love. You loved him. You still do," she says with a soft smile. I can feel a tear start to dribble down my cheek. My shoulders slack as I ease some of the emotion I pushed away into me.

I feel her run forward to me, and I relish in the hippie cactus scent and strawberry smelling hair.

"You don't have need be strong for anybody, Elena. Especially not me and Bonnie."

_I __know__, __Caroline_.

I need to be strong for Stefan.

* * *

"My name is Mr. Rolequez. I come straight from Spain not too long ago, and I go to University to study teaching."

The dark toned man shuffles across the room nervously, his shaky English filling the small room. A lot of the students talk over him, but that makes him visibly relax.

"Mr. Salvatore take a...uh...personal day for rest of week. I am a student teacher here and I will be helping Mr. Salvatore for rest of year."

"How do you say, 'Elena Gilbert got humped and dumped' in Spanish?" Jacob Manchester teased from the back of the room. His football friends laughed and giggled like little girls sans Matt, who looked at me with pity. I didn't want pity.

Instead of ignoring him like I usually do, I think of Stefan and the stupid teenager at the carnival and twist my body so I face him.

"Shouldn't you know, Jacob? I mean, you and Caroline dated for so long, I thought she would have given you a lesson or two. But I guess Spanish takes a while to learn, so the two days it took before she dropped your ass clearly didn't suffice. Maybe the next time you get a girl, you'll remember not to cum the moment she sticks her hands in your pants." I growl out the last word, not bothering to see his expression, only hearing his friend's obnoxious whoops and hollers.

Bonnie leans over, her eyes bulging out. "I was going to hand him his ass, but you clearly can hold your own."

I sigh. "Yeah, when you get out of this hellish town, you learn a thing or two."

"I wonder where Mr. Salvatore went. Lord knows I could use some eye candy."

My stomach turns and I glare at the chalkboard.

"You know that's all he is, right?"

"Who?"

"Mr. Salvatore. He's just eye candy."

She retracts at my harsh tone and then turns her icy glare on me. "What are you trying to say?"

I let a gust of air out in frustration. "I'm trying to say that maybe you shouldn't be so shallow all the time and judge people by their looks. He isn't a saint because he has pretty blue eyes."

She recoils even further and then sets her lips in a firm line. "I'm sorry if something happened to you when you decided to become a big bad rebel and skip town with a delinquent, but that isn't mine or anyone's problem but yours. You decided to go with him after .5 seconds of conversation."

I open my mouth to retort but she brings her hand up in my face. "Don't bother. I don't want you wasting any more of your precious time with me and my shallow attitude."

I clench my jaw and turn to face the front of the room. She mimics my actions and we sit for a good five minutes in that godforsaken class.

"Elena Gilbert?"

"Yes?"

"Mr. Gurney would like to see you."

The sub unfolds a sent pass and hands it to me across my desk. I stand, pulling my bag along with me. I ignore all the catcalls and stupidity when I walk to the door, along with the growing guilt burrowing beneath my skin.

The walk to the guidance office isn't long, but it isn't an easy one either. By the time I get there, I count the minutes until I get out.

Mrs. Fisher, the secretary, gives me a meek smile before nodding her head to the direction of Mr. Gurney's room. I smile at her and rush into the room, skin tingling.

He looks the same. Same coiffed dark brown hair and sparkling hazel eyes. His tie never is on quite right and he is always so anxious. Always.

"Miss Gilbert! Ah, am I glad to see you. I presume your vacation you requested was a success?"

"Um, yeah."

"And I have faith that you situated back into your classes easily..."

"Of course."

"That's fantastic news. I have some news for you, as well." He adjusts his purple tie and then brings a shaky hand to his desk.

"I got a letter yesterday morning from the Mond representatives at the judging panel at NYU. Apparently, the winner of the contest used plagiarized work."

"She's disqualified." The words come out like a long overdue prayer.

"Yes. And they would like to offer the scholarship, to NYU, to you, Miss Gilbert."

I had waited so long to hear those words. So long. Too long. I think my head nodded on its own accord. New York. My dream. At least, it _was_ my dream.

I let my mind wander to the possibilities of both Stefan and I in New York together. He loves big cities.

_He__loved__big__cities__._

I close my eyes and nod harder. "Of course I'll accept. I was planning on NYU anyway, but the scholarship helps. A lot. Thank you, Mr. Gurney."

His beady eyes blink heavily before he focuses in on me.

"Where's the light in your eyes, Miss Gilbert?"

I stare at him for the longest time before shaking my head in disbelief. "It's the people who I wouldn't expect to notice, that notice. Why do you think that is?"

"I think it's because they know what that face looks like, as they've worn it before. Whatever is troubling you.." He coughs and adjusts himself. "Well, the tide will turn."

"I hope so."

"And have you prepared your speech?"

Shit.

The valedictorian speech.

I ripped up everything I had. There's no way I could rewrite it with one week before graduation.

"I..of course."

"Very well then."

He stands up awkwardly to lead me out and I begin toward the door before another thought crosses my mind.

"Hey Mr. Gurney?"

"Yes?"

"Mr. Salvatore...did he say any reason he wasn't coming back? Like...a death in the family?"

His eyes squint at me but he shakes his head. "I'm not allowed to discuss this, really. But no, it was a personal illness. Why, is Stefan okay? Is that why he didn't show up for the meeting?"

"What meeting?" I ask without thinking. Mr. Gurney looks side to side and then smiles grimly.

"Those two fight like hounds, I tell you." He shuts his office door and then ushers me back to the chair I was sitting in before.

He rips a piece of paper from the corner of his desk, torn and tattered by age. He hands it to me and my heart jumps at the face I have memorized and the usually scowling brother beside them.

I saw Mr. Gurney and Damon talking a lot during school, but I thought it was teacher talk. "You knew them personally?"

He laughs. "About as personally as you could get. They don't open up about a lot. Damon is very protective of his little brother, and Stefan is a hard boy to protect."

"He isn't _protecting _anybody but himself. He's a self-righteous asshole."

Mr. Gurney's body goes rigid and he looks through me. "Those are strong accusations. Do you know much about Damon, Elena?"

I roll my eyes and scoff. "I know all about Katherine."

"So you know how it gutted him and tore him to pieces."

"Things happen to people all the time," I lament. "People die. My parents died." _Stefan __might __die_. "But you shouldn't take that out on the world."

He folds his arms over his chest and tilts his head. "I can tell something about your trip with Stefan made you angry at the world. When you got back here, did you say something you didn't mean? Did you lash out?"

Bonnie's face flashes in my head and I wince. "Not to the extent that Damon did to me."

"When we feel grief, we cope in several ways. But the most common, selfish way, is to push that grief to someone else. Even subconsciously. I've known these boys for a long time. They do love each other. Maybe what you know is a movie type of unconditional love, but that isn't what love has to be."

"I know what love is," I state rather snappily.

He pauses and smirks at my words. "I'm sure you do. I like to think of it on a 's a light love, a pure one that makes your heart flutter and hands itch. There's also a dark love, an all-consuming obsession that could be considered troubling to an outsider. It's where a person does anything and everything to please someone despite the consequences or what that person wants or needs. The love doesn't reflect upon the actions. The first may be more favorable, but the latter is no less love."

I cross my own arms and shake my head. "What are you trying to say?"

"That you love Stefan purely, and Damon does a bit recklessly, but you should both respect each other because it's still love."

I stand from the chair. "That's very enlightening, but you are a bit biased."

"That's agreeable."

The wooden clock in the corner ticks several times as we stare in an impasse. My hand goes to my hair and I pull a chunk of it from behind my ear to twirl.

"You went to college for psychology right? So I mean, I can talk to you like I would a psychiatrist, right?"

He nods roughly and slides a pen behind his ear.

"What's on your mind?"

I lick my lips and cross my legs. "I don't know...well. On our trip, I fell in love with Stefan. I feel really guilty about the things that happened between us, you know?"

I look up at him and he motions for me to continue. "I never got to really tell him that I love him, and maybe if I did we would be here together? But nevermind. That's in the past and I'm done with all that. I just...How do I go back to normal? How can I move on? Avoidance isn't working anymore."

I sheepishly bring my shoulders down and hunch into my crossed legs, tracing small patterns across my knee. He clears his throat and scratches behind his ear.

"The most honorable and effective way to move on is to embrace it. Don't think of the sad times that led to your...break up?"

I shrug and nod and he continues rapidly.

"You should appreciate the experience and learn from it. Who knows, you may even use it to write that valedictorian speech."

My eyes flick to his, which are filled with mirth. "What?"

"He could be your muse, if you were having trouble before."

"I...how did you know?"

"Just a lucky guess," he concedes with a smirk. "Don't let that deter you. You're going to be okay, Elena. Let the tide pass on it's own, and own up to any mistakes you may have made. It'll be okay."

We stand and repeat the ritual of walking to the door to his office, a coffee mug in his hand and my bag in mine. It's an awkward dance of opposing sides.

"Good luck on Friday, Elena."

"Thank you."

* * *

"Matthew Donovan."

A hundred cheers rang out in the air as the blonde made his way to the stage. He gave a dramatic kiss to the crowd, and a few catcalls sizzled in the air. I smiled and waved at him with the rest of the class, making his grin even bigger.

The line moved a little as they called off the next name. I watched Bonnie give Matt a high-five on the side of the stage and I smile at her. She gives me a weak one in return and ignores me.

I let out a giant sigh and meet Caroline's eyes a good five people ahead of me.

"She'll get over it," she semi-shouts, a small smile on her face. I shrug but give her an encouraging grin as they call her name,

"Caroline Forbes."

I scream into the air and clap louder than anyone else in my section, but I don't care. She shouts something in spanish to the crowd and practically skips to grab her diploma. The crowd laughs as she winks and mimes throwing her cap into the crowd early. I give a final shout and wait for my turn.

This week had been stressful. Everyday I went to see Mr. Gurney, who, surprisingly enough, became my closest confidant. I had to rewrite my speech, but it came a lot easier than last time. Fitting into my classes wasn't too hard since it was the end of the year, but a lot of people still gave me shit with everything that happened with Stefan.

But I was learning to move on.

Love or no love, I was leaving for New York in August. I had to learn to be independent again, because I don't think I could survive living like I was.

"Elena Gilbert."

I flush and walk carefully in my heels to the top of the stage. I grab my diploma from my principal and shake hands with all the people on stage. I turn to the crowd and spot Jenna yelling in the air with her camcorder. I smile right at her and wave, walking backwards to my spot with the rest of my class.

The rest of the names go in a blur. Thankfully, no one fell. It was a bittersweet feeling of leaving that I couldn't put my tongue on. Something was missing, but I didn't dwell on it.

Call me nostalgic, but I could already feel my eyes welling up and I hadn't even spoken yet.

The principal said a few words, told a couple of stories, and interacted with the crowd as I internally prepared myself. I wrung my hands in front of me, and felt Caroline's hand on my back, giving me an encouraging pat. I smile back at her bite on my lip nervously as the principal draws his ramblings to an end.

"Right now, I would like to give the opportunity to Miss Elena Gilbert, this year's valedictorian, the chance to speak to and on the behalf of the class of 2013."

The crowd roars, shaking the ground beneath my feet as I stand. I walk toward the podium, trying to maintain a confident attitude. My speech is set there on the podium, but I don't need it. At least I don't think.

I take a gulp of air. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. First, I would like to thank you all for coming and taking the time to watch us get up here and grab a piece of paper-it means a lot."

The crowd laughs a little, and less anxious, I continue. "That's what I always considered graduation to be: getting a piece of paper. In fact, up until a couple of weeks ago, I would've still felt that way.

Like many of my peers, I grew up in this town and now live here today, drinking the same water, seeing the same sights, eating the same food, and talking to the same people. I did those things because it was comfortable. Because when you're young, and when you have the priorities of school work weighing you down, the prospect of stability is everything you crave. Then wasn't the time to be unpredictable or crazy, or live life how you want. But I speak to my class today, to tell them that today is.

I struggled immensely with writing this because my advice on its creation was to give them advice for the future and life." I blink at the crowd slowly.

"I'm no different from the people sitting in those chairs to my right. I have just about as much of a clue into life as they do. But luckily, I was able to meet someone who had the scoop into what it's like to live, and he taught me a lot. He taught me about letting go and doing the things that you're passionate about. He taught me about taking risks, and not the stupid kind, but the kind that we've been fearful to take our entire high school career. I was lucky to experience that for even a short amount of time and I sincerely hope that the rest of my class gets the opportunity to, as well.

We've been through many things as a class. We've climbed mountains together and trudged on as one entity, and that will stay with us no matter where we are. We've driven a safe road to success, holding each other's hands the entire way. And so my advice is to let go of each other's hands. Take a bumpy detour. Take the extra bite of cake. Be adventurous. Be passionate. Live the life you want without shame. And when it's all done, take those memories with you forever, just like I hope you take the memories of us forever. Cherish them and love them, because living is what life is all about."

When I finish, I smile big at the flashing lights and roars of appreciation. My heart pounds for the longest time until the rest of my class stands with me. I look out into the audience for Jenna and meet her eyes once again. She waves and I give her a giant thumbs up.

As I scan the rest of the crowd, I see Mr. Gurney, standing and clapping loudly, his tie _finally_ on the right way. I wave at him and he nods respectfully.

My head twirls from left to right until it freezes on a head of blonde hair in the right corner. I squint through the sunlight at him until my eyes are nearly closed. I pinch my right arm and then open my wide. He was still there.

Smiling, clapping, and waiting.

For me.


	14. Go

**A lot of people asked about how Stefan and Damon behaved themselves in Vegas and if we'd find out this chapter. Given that this is written in Elena's POV, it won't happen now, but I have some outtakes and I'll be sure to include those scenes.**

**So, the end is near. Don't worry though, I've got a couple chapters and ideas to write before I put this thing to rest.**

**Thank you to everyone who took the time to review!**

Surreal moments pass by like a car on a highway. Everything is moving so fast and swift, but you can still recall it perfectly as if it happened in slow motion.

The most surreal moment was happening to me right now as I stood on a stage in front of the people who I'd grown up with. The same people and faces and smiles except the one distinct person that stood out. He always stood out.

My hands laid limp at my sides as the rest of my class hooted and hollered behind me, but all I could see was Stefan and green eyes staring straight at me. He didn't look angry or upset. He looked happy and proud. And when I smiled at him, his mouth opened adorably before he smiled his goofy smile right back at me.

I could practically feel the cobwebs and dust unleashing my heart so it's dull thump pounded in my ear.

"Congratulations to the class of 2013!" The principal enunciates once more. I clap as we peel off of the stage and I feel my legs pacing toward the person I wanted to see most.

I clobbered down the steps and felt two foreign arms surround me. "Oh, Elena, darling, you look beautiful!" My great aunt Brenda screeched in my ear. I cringed but smiled gratefully. She wore a honeydew colored dress that hung limply on her curveless body, her silky blonde hair knotted into an intricate bun at the top of her head.

"Thank you so much, and thank you for being here."

She gasps. "Oh I'm touched I was even invited. Honey you're glowing. Charles, look at her, isn't she glowing?"

The Charles in question tips his head at me and nods. "She is."

"Looks just like her beautiful mother."

I flush and wrap my arms around myself. "Yeah..."

"And you were valedictorian! I tell you, the Gilbert's always were a such a smart bunch. So smart and intelligent. Your father, he was always trying to build this thing," she brings a log red nail to her matching lips before adjusting her eyes to her husband. "What was he always trying to build?"

"A rocket," he answers nonchalantly.

"That's it. A damn rocket. The Gilbert's are such a wonder."

"I'll say." I hear a familiar voice say from behind me. I don't turn around, instead I face my aunt with a terrified look. Even though this is what I wanted, a rabidly insecure piece of me was scared out of her wits.

But the smooth tone brought me back to skylines and hotel rooms and Ferris wheels, and my skin ignited at the pure sound.

Brenda leans forward and smiles cheekily. "And who might you be?"

"I'm Stefan Salvatore," he responds evenly. I hear a crunching of gravel and wonder if he was shuffling his feet around like he did when he was nervous.

Brenda eyes him and then me before her face goes to shock. "Dear heaven, what happened to you?"

My heart drops out of my chest for a moment, so I concentrate on his slow breaths. He laughs nervously and I imagine him running a hand through his hair.

"You wouldn't believe it. See, I was riding a bike with this girl. She's really pretty-beautiful really-and the epitome of wonder. She doesn't know how to ride worth anything, but I don't tell her that because she's so happy to be doing it at all. So then she crashes us, and I was paralyzed with the fear that I lost her."

Brenda looks at him oddly and then at me like he was insane. He was. "Really? Now that's just awful."

He chuckles gleefully. "Well yeah, I went into this coma I think, I don't remember much."

Brenda looks much more sympathetic this time, clasping her hands in front of her tightly. "So what happened?"

"It's not until I wake up with some nurse beside me that I realize that she had the helmet and I didn't, and I was so damn happy. Happiest day of my life, really. So to cut the story short, I crawled my crippled behind all the way back here to see my girl graduate."

Brenda practically melts. "Now that's sweet. Charles isn't that sweet?" Charles is too busy looking between Stefan and I with knowing looks. "Charles?"

"Yes, that's sweet."

She mulls it over before shaking her head in shame. "You never do sweet things like that for me any more. Never. I tell you, whoever that girl is is really lucky. In the meanwhile, my niece is single."

I blush and look down at the grass hearing Stefan murmur, "I'll keep that in mind."

Brenda leans forward and gives me another big hug, her body practically molding into mine. "I'll see you later, Elena. I think I'm going to go find something to eat around here."

I nod and laugh at the expression on Uncle Charles face as he lures her away from me.

I stand still, my body planted in the same spot, not facing him. I feel his breath fluttering across the back of my neck and his stare.

"Elena, look at me." He pleads softly. Slowly, his hand raises until he's gripping my shoulder. At the feel of his touch, I whirl around to face everything I wanted to avoid.

While I'd gotten a boot, Stefan was proudly still sporting a navy blue cast around his leg, supporting himself on a single crutch. The other was tucked under his arm, but wasn't doing much since his hand was busy. He had a white, thick, bandage across his head and a couple of band aids scattered across his skin. Some of his skin was inflamed, others badly bruised, but despite the darkness that encased him, he was still oddly light. He paid no attention to his weaknesses. Only me.

"Hi."

"Hey."

He slowly begins to grin and then stops. "Let's go talk somewhere."

I nod blankly. "The school is open. A couple of classrooms might be as well."

He smiles and slowly begins to swing his body through his two support systems. A part of me wants to stand behind him to keep guard and make sure he doesn't fall, but I know Stefan wouldn't appreciate that.

I keep my pace slow to keep up with him, but he really does move fluently despite his injuries. We make it inside the building in a record time, me pulling the double doors to the hallway open for him. He murmurs a thanks and then takes a seat on a bench by the vending machine.

"I must say, that graduation was riveting."

I crack a smile as I nervously pace the hallway. "Yeah, well it was a perfect representation of this town."

He chortles and then stares at me. "Why are you moving so much?" He pats the spot beside him . "Sit down."

I walk toward him and plop down, keeping as much distance as possible from him. "How are you?"

"I don't know," he scratches at his head. "I think that I'm fine."

I purse my lips and point to the bandage covering his head. "How's your head?"

He opens his mouth once or twice, like he was debating on whether or not to tell me. "Well, I had a concussion. It was pretty severe, but luckily I woke up. I lost a lot of memory, though. It's really frustrating, you know?"

My body freezes. "You don't remember me."

He frowns and then gazes at me innocently. "I didn't say that." He brings my small hand into his large one and rolls it around. "I woke up with Damon and my nurse, and I didn't remember anything, sure. But then I got these flashes of us together, and the doctor told me all about you. I still don't remember much, but I know I love you."

My heart flutters as he speaks. "I gained a lot more memory than that of a normal person with my level of injury would have. I don't remember a lot of the things we did but I remember the things that count. Is this weird? I don't know. I don't fucking know, I'm sorry."

I breathe quietly, trying to keep from crying. "Do you remember carrying my bag all the time?"

He looks at me sadly. "No. Why don't you tell me about that. Please?"

I look into his green eyes with unshed tears and smile a watery smile at him. "Well, I had this bag I brought on the trip and you told me I shouldn't bring it, but you let me anyway. You'd carry it for me all the time, everywhere and anytime I asked. You hated it, but you always did it."

He smiles grimly and then chuckles. "I was really whipped. Tell me more."

I gaze up at him and then shake my head. "What do _you _remember?"

He thinks it over for a hard minute and then smiles sheepishly. "I remember what it felt like to kiss you. I remember sausages and campfires. I remember making love to you and how you felt around me."

I blush and duck my head. "I remember your arms around me when we road on my bike. I remember everything that happened on the bike in detail before the accident. I remember a Ferris wheel and laughing with you. A lot."

I smile nostalgically. "We did laugh a lot."

"Tell me about the night on the Ferris wheel. What happened then?"

I debate lying to him. I still feel so shameful of everything I did to him, and how poorly I acted. But I know I can't lie, because he'll eventually find out.

"You told me you loved me. But I couldn't say it back," I admit softly. His face turns confused and then he purses his lips.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't know if I did."

His face drops and his shoulders slump. "Oh."

"But I know now. I know what it's like to live in a world with you not in it, and I hate it." I bring his battered face into my hands and lean my forehead against his. "I'm so glad I didn't say it then, because I need this to be the one thing you remember clearly about me and us, because this is the surest thing I know. I love you, Stefan. I always will."

He looks into my eyes for a good twenty seconds, looking for any sign of uncertainty. I knew he wouldn't find any, because there was none. Loving Stefan was the only thing that I knew without a shadow of doubt.

He leans in and captures my lips with his, and it's the rebirth of something electric and real. I feel it all over like I always do, but I savor his kisses and how his lips encase mine soothingly. When we pull apart, he smiles cockily at me.

"I think you need to remind me of a few more things."

I giggle happily and stroke the side of his face, "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. The whole lovemaking scene is starting to fade," he teases, the familiar light gracing his eyes again. "Hmm. I guess we'll have to reinvent a new one."

I look pointedly at his leg. "No over exerting yourself."

"I won't be, baby. We could use these crutches to our advantage," he teases lightly. I smile and kiss his cheek loudly.

"No way."

"Fine." A mischievous glint pops in his eye. "Hey, I really liked your speech earlier."

I glare at him suspiciously. "Thanks." He keeps his hand in mine as we get to our feet, staying connected.

"That guy you wrote about sounds like a genius."

I roll my eyes at him. "I'm not here to stroke your ego."

"So what are you here to stroke?" He asks, seductively moving his eyebrows. I snort and playfully jab his good arm.

"You weren't spouting nearly as much innuendos as you are now when we were together before."

He furrows his eyebrows. "Huh. Well that's odd. Well cheers to starting over then."

* * *

I opted for staying out of the grad party festivities. Instead, I spent my big day cuddled beneath Stefan recounting the blissful tales of our lives together. Whenever he recognized something, an item, a phrase, a moment, he would get the most beautiful smile on his face.

But something felt off.

There were still things that didn't sit right with me and I wondered if they ever would. I could deal with Stefan not graduating high school, especially if that isn't where he wants to be. But I couldn't handle him coming with me to New York after suffering a brain injury.

When the fog had cleared from my mind, I realized Damon's words were bitingly harsh but true. I'm an eighteen year old girl. I can't take care of him properly. The last thing I want is for his life to be in my hands. He deserves his shot at a life full of opportunity. He spoke vaguely about going back to high school while I was in college and would move from there. I know it's something he's thought about for a while, and I don't want him to miss his chance to do something for himself.

His whole life has been putting others before himself; his parents, Damon and even me. He drops his priorities and takes on someone else's, and I know that if I love him like I know I do, I won't take advantage of that again.

"You're thinking too hard. What about?"

I shake my head out of my thoughts and then smile up at him. "Nothing."

He frowns and pushes a strand of chocolate hair out of my eye. "Don't lie. What's going on in that head of yours?"

I relish in his touch for a few moments, leaning my face into his hand cupping my cheek and then speak. "Are you sure you want to come to New York?"

He recoils and looks at me confusedly. "You're there, and I want to be with you. Of course I want to come." He pauses and lifts an eyebrow. "What's this about?"

I take a shaky breath and pull him close. "Nothing," I reiterate. "Let's just spend this summer together and-"

He immediately pushes away from me, his steely green eyes looking angrily into mine, and I know I've crossed the line. "_This summer_? What do you mean?"

I softly grasp his cheek but he yanks himself away, clenching his teeth together. "Stefan, you should stay here. You should be getting an education at a school where your brother has influence and do exactly what you would've done if you hadn't met me."

"If I hadn't met you? Elena, if I hadn't met you I probably wouldn't have thought to finish high school. Why do I get you in pieces? Why do I get vacations and summers, huh? Why can't I get the whole thing?" He rambles angrily, standing sloppily, wincing as his foot touches the ground.

"You have the whole thing. You have me, always. My heart, my soul...everything. I'm not saying that this is it for us, because I know it will never be it. But I also know how long you've been putting your needs on the back burner and I can't let you do that anymore."

He keeps his eyes on the ground and then shakes his head. "Is this about what Damon said?"

I furrow my eyebrows and frown. "No, Stefan. This is because I love you."

He explodes, knocking a stack of DVD's onto the carpeted floor. "Don't say that. Don't say that to me if you don't even want me to be with you."

I immediately jump to my feet and grab onto his shoulders. "We'll still be together. I can come back and visit and we can make this work. I'll talk to you whenever I can and vice versa. I just got you back, Stefan. I don't want to lose you that way."

He rolls his eyes and glares at me. "You are."

I recoil and bite down on my lip. After the shock fades, I reach out desperately to calm him down before he ruins us and we're miserable again. I can taste the regret in my mouth from mentioning it so early, but I didn't want to lie to Stefan about what I felt. Maybe I would've if I knew he would've acted like this.

"Let's get to know each other again this summer and then worry about New York when the time comes."

"No," he says strongly. "I'm not going to fall deeper in love with you all summer only for you to decide for me that I should stay here. That's not fair, Elena. So if you want to leave me behind, then let's start it now."

**I'll see you next Thursday!**


	15. Live

**I will update CMD soon, I just want to get this laid out first. I guess this is the last chapter save for some other outtakes I wrote from this including an extended epilogue. Thank you for all the reviews, all the love, and all the support from the very beginning. You are amazing.**

* * *

_Five years later..._

"It's nice seeing you again," I tell him, pushing a wave of hair behind my shoulder. "You look good. Younger, somehow."

He smiles with gleaming teeth that rarely made an appearance the last time we were within the same vicinity. I cautiously smile back and bring the steaming cup of coffee to my lips as we walk.

"How's everything here?" I gesture to my hometown around me with awkward move of my hand.

He lets out a huge sigh and shakes his head. "The same. You're lucky you escaped so easily."

I chuckle and shrug.

"It wasn't easy."

He smiles, and just as quickly as it appears, his face turns to a prominent frown. "Elena, I'd like to apologize to you."

I close my eyes and take a deep, shuddering breath. "Don't." He looks at me curiously and places a friendly hand on my shoulder, the foreign touch of my past making me shiver. "That's not necessary."

"Yes. It is. I was wrong and let my emotions overrun reality. I took a bad situation and my frustrations out on you. You'll never understand how bad that I've felt ever since you walked away all those years ago."

I smile sadly and shrug once again. "But you were right. I was in the wrong too, and even though your representation was unconventional at best, I understand and I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing in your position."

We stand for a moment, the gray pavement being the only thing to hold me up. There was nothing to diffuse the uncomfort that danced between us, but at least, if nothing, I know that we've learned something. I knew now, that in my years of college and adaptation to life out of this town, I'd become something better. I was proud of myself.

Finally, I let out a breathy laugh and look down at the ground. "You have no idea how much I was trying to avoid you and this conversation."

He laughs as well and stuffs his hands into the front pocket of his jeans. "I can't imagine it being any more than how much I was trying to avoid _you_. Ever since Jenna said you were coming home for Christmas, you've been the talk of the town."

I stand uneasily on my left foot. "Really?"

"Yeah, we've all been patiently awaiting your arrival. Although, I thought you were coming home Monday."

I bite my bottom lip hard. "Just anxious, I guess."

"New York not as interesting as you wished?" He teased lightly, beginning to walk me to my car.

I shake my head fervently. "No, that's not it. I love New York more than I thought I would."

He scratches the side of his head in deep thought. "You work in a publishing house, if I recall correctly, right?"

I nod and he continues. "What exactly do you do? I know they don't usually give high positions to those coming straight out of University."

"Because I've just started, I mainly go through a staff editors approvals. But I love it, you know? I can read for my job; how many people can say that?"

He smiles and lays a hand on the top of my silver Sentra, a comforting smile gracing his lips. "Well, I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other."

"I hope so."

"I'll see you around, Elena."

"You too, Damon."

* * *

"Put the damn turkey in the oven or our guests will get here before it's done. No one likes to be kept waiting."

I stick the pan in the oven and turn up the heat. "If they want to eat, they'll wait."

Jenna frowns, "Aw, come on. Where's that New York rush mentality?"

I sigh dramatically. "At home, on my bed, cuddled up with my stuffed bear. It's tired after a long day of pushing people out of the way to get to the hot dog stand."

She giggles and ruffles my hair playfully. "I've missed you. I hope you don't mind, but I invited the whole town. They are going to go _insane_ when they see what you've done to your hair. I promised them we'd make some sort of shrine."

I wave my shortened locks in her face. "Hey, I've got a lot of flair now. At least, that's what my beautician says."

"Ew," she she crinkles her nose in disgust. "You have a beautician?"

I throw a piece of stuffing at her head and she ducks. We laugh for a minute before her words process in my mind.

"Did you invite him?" For a moment I cursed my childish nature. I could say his name, but out of preference I didn't. Ever.

Jenna's eyes soften and she shakes her head. "I invited Damon. He and Bonnie became rather close after college. But as for Stefan...well, I don't talk with him much."

My eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean? Lewiston is small, where could he be hiding?"

She walks over to the chair in the corner and pulls out a plastic bag. "I know where he is. He teaches kindergarten at the local school." My eyes glaze over as I try to imagine him.

That's how I'd spent the years of my life since we'd broken it off indefinitely. Imagining him. Did he have a job? Did he get married? Does he ever think about me? Do I want him to? I still can't say if what I did was wrong or right, but hearing that he'd done great things for myself makes me think the latter.

"I'm happy he graduated but I'm even happier that he went for higher education," I confide to her. She nods.

"He was so tenacious, Lena. My god, he took classes during the summer, and even started taking college courses in his last year of schooling." A sharp pang tugs at my chest but I realize the genuity of my happiness for him.

"I'm glad."

Guests do start to arrive quicker than I thought. I balk at the amount of people who suddenly approach me as if we were lifelong friends. Nonetheless, I still greet them with matching enthusiasm. The turkey runs late, as do most of our guests, but he doesn't show up. It doesn't surprise me at all.

I pass Nancy Larker who appraises me highly to her husband she met in Mexico. She regards me as if she were Bonnie or Caroline, the only two friends I dubbed friends in high school.

I'd only talked to Bonnie on the phone lightly through the years. It wasn't as if we were mad at each other, but when I left for New York we still hadn't come to terms with what happened between us. I still considered her one of my best friends, but I knew that time had drilled an unfixable hole between the two of us.

Caroline and I grew closer. She studied at UCLA, and occasionally she'd come fly out to see me. We'd drink wine and eat chicken noodle casserole to take a taste from the small town we fled from years ago. I began to see a serious side to her, and in our late night phone calls and weekend visits, I'd learned more about the spanish speaking blonde than I had in four years of high school.

As for Stefan, the blurred lines of love still remained. After breaking it off after graduation, he fled off out of town and I didn't see him all summer. That wasn't for lack of trying, however. I called his phone and Damon's relentlessly until the automated robot finally told me it was disconnected.

So I swallowed my pride and continued my life as best as possible. Our separation was easier than the one before. Last time, the situation was literally teetering between life and time, it was purely between making right decisions and making easy ones. I cried a few tears, but I knew, instinctively, that my love for Stefan was being portrayed in my capability of letting him go.

I look at the wooden door as if it will unhinge itself and drag Stefan through it, but I know it won't. It never does.

I turn to Jenna and flick my hair behind my shoulder. "I'm going to get some air."

She leans on one hip and raises an eyebrow. "Are you _sure _you live in New York? Are you sure it's not Alaska or something?"

I make my best offended look and mirror her stance. "I left that mentality back home, remember?"

She smiles and I excuse myself from the crowd to go outside. I head out the backdoor and mentally berate myself for not donning a jacket. My sweater could only do so much and the snow was falling assiduously. I stare up at the darkened night and count the white, fluffy junctures as they fall.

My hand reaches up to grab one, and then another, and then, childishly, I lay my tongue flat so the coolness of a flake settles there.

I feel him before I see him. I always do. It's a warm flame that licks at me lightly from behind, with a sandy wood smell that is Stefan. I don't acknowledge it because I don't know how and because I fear it isn't real. But I know it's real because I see his hand move in front of me, the same hand I'd held in mine as a teenager, reaching up to grab his own snowflake. He catches one and balls his hand into a fist.

I was relieved to see there was no ring on his finger.

"I haven't done this in a long time," his baritone voice notes. It's deeper than it was before, but I don't know if it's from aging or my forgetfulness.

Unlike at graduation, I turn to him on my own accord and bring his body into my arms. I was an adult now, and I wasn't going to pretend like I didn't miss him or that I had closed my heart off to him forever. The only thing that I wanted on Christmas was to be held by him, and he granted me that wish by wrapping his strong, muscular arms around my body, caging me to his chest. I breathe in his scent and note that my teenage self had not dramatized and my memories did not embellish him. He was every bit of Stefan as I knew he would be.

He pulls away and keeps his hands on my two shoulders, appraising me. There's a nervousness in his eyes that he hid with his mirth. "Look at you. You're all grown up and serious."

I smile and duck my head but take a moment to look at him as well. He was older and more defined. He looked healthier and happier, and that made me smile. "You look grown up, too. I guess that's what happens."

He snorts and rubs the side of his jaw. "Eh, I think I look the same." He gazes at me how he always does; like I'm the most precious thing alive. "How've you been? I mean, how's New York?"

I shrug and move to take a seat on the wooden bench beside the house. "It's good. I got used to it in college so living there has been pretty easy."

"You're rolling with the big dogs now," he teases, joining me on the bench. "They aren't going to be as easy on you as I was over there."

I chortle and roll my eyes, "I wouldn't say you were easy on me about anything, Stefan."

He smiles and shakes his head. When he meets my eyes again, his eyes are darkened and serious. "I'm sorry for not coming to see you before," he issues, biting his bottom lip. "I didn't want to upset you, I guess."

"And now?"

"I don't care."

The hum of voices grows softer as I look at him wishing I had the breath and the words to say everything that I should. If I could explain the cluster of miscommunications and turmoil that stopped the two of us for living up to our true potential. I wished I could tell him that I still know we would be great together. No matter what.

I try to communicate with my eyes, but there's still a barrier. Instead, I opt for listening to what he has to say about himself. After all, I'm sure he's heard the dirty details of my life through the grapevine.

"You teach now?"

His face lights up and then a tinge of red graces his cheeks. I'm glad to know that if anything, he still had his adorableness. "I didn't think I'd like teaching, because I never liked school. But I love kids, you know?"

I shrug. "They're okay. Messy, but cute."

He chuckles and shrugs. "I'm okay with that. You know, they're really impressionable. They take a lot of things at face value with an innocence that can't be duplicated. A lot of people think it's a bad thing. I think it's beautiful."

My heart hammered at the passion held in his voice as he talked about his career rapidly. "I love them. I have 18 kids, and it's my first class and it's going really well. They're a great first class."

"Why kindergarten?" I ask him, persuading him to continue his conversation. He bites on his bottom lip which drives me into a small frenzy and I quickly fold my arms over my chest to situate myself.

"You teach them stuff that counts, you know? I mean, you learn a lot of things in high school and middle school that are needed to excel in college, right? But in kindergarten, you learn the basic necessities."

"Like the alphabet," I chirp, causing him to laugh.

"Like the alphabet," he concludes. "Have you heard that poem about how all you need to know you find in kindergarten?"

I rack my brain and squint in thought. "Vaguely."

"Well you have some research for tonight then, Ms. Gilbert."

I giggle, an action that I hadn't done in a while, and playfully tap his shoulder. "And what if I don't?"

He makes his best stern face and folds his arms across his chest. "Detention."

"Hey," I protest, "What happened to standing in the corner?"

"Too lenient. I think kids are starting to enjoy it."

I snicker and he motions to the party going on inside. "Party too much for you?"

"Yeah," I drawl sarcastically, "I'm getting old. I don't have the same spark that enables me to kick it with the youngins anymore." I pointedly glance at my Great Aunt who was tipping back a glass of wine, leaning dangerously on her husband.

He chuckles and looks me nervously in the eye. "I missed you, Elena. I missed you a lot." The phrase molded together in one breath, almost as if it tumbled from his mouth uncontrollably. He didn't look regretful, just nervous and anxious.

"I missed you, too."

And that was the most honest thing that I could say. Because I wasn't going to apologize for leaving and I wasn't going to promise him anything. I could, however, tell him that I hadn't forgot about him and that I still loved him. That, despite the time that broke between us, he was still the only guy who could make my heart beat and flutter in a terrifyingly beautiful manner.

He was the only guy I'd ever love so fully.

I could see the same emotion reflected in his eyes as he gazed down at me, and then he suddenly lifted his palm so it rested against my cheek. I leaned into him and pressed my lips against his hand, never feeling as at home as I did in that moment. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, and so I closed my eyes for a moment, pretending that this was forever and hoping it would be.

"One day," he said, eyes still shut, "I'm going to marry you."

I shuddered at his words but nodded into his hand, embracing the rough texture of his finger tips. He continued, as if singing a song he knew all the lyrics to. "One day, I'm going to follow you to the ends of the earth and you won't have a single reason for why I can't."

"One day, when the timing is right, we're going to have little doe eyed children who don't like Pringles and love greasy sausages."

A watery smile graces my lips and I chuckle. "Bambi, can you picture that?"

I do. I do all the time.

"Yes," I voice carefully, "I do."

"Then it'll happen."

He removes his hand from my cheek leaving a cold spot where he was before. I open my eyes and watch as he walks slowly away from me. "Merry Christmas, Elena."

"Where are you going?"

"I'll see you before you leave," he promises. On a second thought, he rushes toward me and brings his familiar lips to mine in a delicate peck that leaves my mind spinning and wondering. I bring my hand up to grasp his hair and keep him there, and he responds by giving me more of him until I can't breathe.

When we pull apart, he begins his trek backwards again, a content smile on his face.

I wonder if mine matches.

* * *

"This will never benefit me. Ever."

I roll my eyes at Jenna's dramatics and throw the wrapping paper at her head. She flinches and holds up the white shirt. "Why do I need an ' I love New York' shirt? Did you get me plane tickets or are you teasing me?"

I snort and shake my head. "So ungrateful."

"Oh, I'll show you ungrateful..."

After I went back to the party last night, I filled my tummy with turkey to ease the butterflies and spent the night in Jenna's bed, eating ice cream and rum cake. We exchanged one gift the night before and we're doing the others this morning. It wasn't a fun time.

I got a journal, socks, and a seat cover for my car.

Jenna got a shirt, a mixer, and a laptop sleeve that had a furry face on it.

All in all, it was a typical Gilbert Christmas.

I drank some of my coffee and glanced at the bags around us. "Well, I guess this is it. Next year will be better. I got you a leaf blower already."

She rolls her eyes and brings herself to her feet. "You know what I'm going to get you? Some respect, young lady."

I snort as Jenna checks her phone and glances out the window. "Elena, can you go get the mail?"

I sit, giving her a dubious look. "I don't live here anymore. Isn't that a felony?"

"Go get the mail _now_."

I still stay seated, raising an eyebrow. She purses her lips and then frowns. "Please?" I dramatically sigh and bring myself to my feet. My Spongebob pants left a lot to the imagination so I figured I was good. Plus it was eight in the morning on Christmas day. Who the hell would be outside?

I was halfway out the door when I realized there probably wasn't any mail because it was Christmas, and curse myself for falling for what was so obviously a trap. Jenna waves teasingly from inside and I turn to go back in when I hear a proud engine roar.

A sleek black bike pulls up to the driveway, the driver wearing a helmet. I immediately know who it is, and I feel myself flush in embarrassment. The bike is better than the old one. Much newer and a lot more sexier, if possible. I felt my feet become cemented to the ground as he lifted his helmet off, a proud smile on his face.

"You wanna go for a ride?"

My heart thumps and roars with the sound of the bike as my mouth moves on its own accord. "I don't know. I'd like to think I learned a few things in college. One being not getting on bikes with strangers."

He laughs loudly, shaking his head at me. "I'm not a stranger."

I don't hesitate as I run down in my pajamas, hopping onto the back like a pro and squeezing his back to me. A shudder of unease hits me as I realize what happened the last time we were on a bike together, but I swallow it in fear of it ruining the moment. "Where are we going?"

"Hocking Hills Log Cabin."

I did a double take and furrowed my eyebrows. "Are you serious?"

"I already paid for five nights. I guess I could go alone."

I hit his shoulder and he playfully winces. "Hey!"

"I have stuff, you know. Like clothes and adapters and stuff inside."

He shrugs. "You're carrying it then."

I smile at the familiar phrase and then laugh and disbelief. "You can't be serious."

He turns to me, serious as ever, and lays his forehead against mine. "We can't recreate the past. We can, however, make some more memories. Some that even I can remember."

I push off of him and look over at the house to see Jenna barrelling out with my carry on bag. "Please take her. Please."

He laughs loudly. "Never thought I'd hear her say that."

Jenna runs toward us, barefoot, handing me the purse. "Please, have a good time. Don't come back until you're ready to apologize for that gift in there."

I roll my eyes and kiss her cheek loudly, which makes her smile genuinely at me. "You'll regret saying that."

She turns seriously to Stefan and gives him a stern look. "Be careful. You're carrying precious cargo there."

"I know."

She gives me another kiss and plops one on Stefan for the hell of it before backing away into the house, complaining about cold feet. "Did you plan this?" I ask him, beginning to rummage through the bag.

"Basically."

I rustle through the bag and frown. "There aren't any clothes in here."

Stefan hands me the helmet and starts to move the bike talking loudly over it. "You don't need any."

"Excuse me?" I scowl at him. "Take me back. I don't put out on the first date."

I feel his vibrations as he laughs at me, pulling back out of the driveway. "No take backs. Besides, you know that won't last."

And who am I kidding? I couldn't wait to get acquainted with those arms.


End file.
